x_`ching ying

2007-02-25T16:29:00.000+08:00

hey. i've MOVED.
http://siesta-cy.blogspot.com
link me ya? =)

2007-02-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

okay. i got this from qiu xuan's link in her blog.

*MARCH- G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S ♥*Drop dead gorgeous!!!Attractive personality.Very! sexy.Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox! Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others * wink wink*. Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent. Can sometimes be a heartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves compliments! A very big flirt! Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed out of NE of these months!! Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.likes to keep they're crushes kinda secret.pretty much flawless If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

2007-02-20T00:14:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year guys.! :)
hope all of you have enjoyed yourselves, with angpaos and everything. xDD

i've been playing blackjack and mahjong these two days.
luck was on my side, though i didn't win much.
hmmm.. but this year is kinda boring.
there's one person less to celebrate with.
sigh. i miss my great-grandma loads. =x

tmr i'm going over to my aunt's house.
seldom interact with the ppl there, and i guess it'll be a boring one.
but i'll be able to get loads of angpaos!!
that's because all my cousins except one or two are married already. wakakkas.
hopefully i can go home early tomorrow.
then i'll go to my mentor's house to play with TOBY (my mentor's dog).
he's so cute and huge. =D

this someone called me today.
it's kinda obvious who i'm refering to, but i don't wanna write his name.
it was a miss call. and so, i sms-ed him back.
he wanted to come to my house and bai nian. hahas.
but too bad, i ain't at home and won't be free for the next few days.
but i promised him i'll tell him when i'm free so he can come to my house.
well, i was kinda shocked to see a missed call from him.
thoughts came up my mind.
but whatever it is, i should put the past behind and not think of it anymore. :)
i promised myself that i'll get him out of my mind by last month,
and i guess i've done it? hmm..

live for the future

-happychinesenewyear-

2007-02-17T17:06:00.000+08:00

went for recee at cityhall again. this is the 3rd recee i've went. went to meet miaoying at bedok mrt station, and we went there together. we waited there for one and a half hour at city hall mrt for mr yao to come. oh man. i could have slept a lil' longer. while waiting, we sort of went shopping. saw a shorts which is so damn nice, but those displayed were kinda big. can't be bothered to ask for other sizes, so hafiza and i went out of the shop. =x and once again, i got suan-ed by shi qi once she arrived. she actually said about my mentor and i in front of everyone. oh gosh~ there are like so many 'radio stations' around. and so, i got suan-ed by more and more people throughout the journey. lucky eugene wasn't in my zone. well, guess i need to get use to it. =.= i felt so hungry even though i had my breakfast. shi qi was racist lah. she said so many racist jokes, and they are very lame. so bad right?? hahas. hope she doesn't sees this.

some of us went to meet bora and eugene at funan mall. and i got suan-ed even more, especially at KFC. =x but whatever~ it'll die off in a matter of time. :) hmm, i ate fastfood for more than 6 times this week already. and guess what, i didn't put on any weight lah. that's frustrating,.. to me. lol.

all of us headed home. everyone was tired. how i wish there was a bed in front of me. =D
i'm going to catch some sleep now. can't hold any longer~

- sleepyhead -

2007-02-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

i woke up late today, i tried my best to rush to school.
luckily, i wasn't late. :)
ushered the meridians to LT4, and then proceeded to the hall to watch the performances.
the whole programme ended in about two and a half hour.
then, somehow or rather, something happened in the hall.
well, i was traumatised by it. & it took me quite some time to 'recover'.
just hope that everything would be fine. :)

meet my mentor at the atruim and went to his house.
his dog is so so cute lahh. hahas.
his name is toby. well, i took some pictures of him, & he's in my hp wallpaper.
shall visit him someday again. :)
the old man went to bathe, & pathetic me have to wear school uniform to shopping later. =x
went to meet qx at the mrt station. she also wore home clothes lah.
so the 3 of us headed to bugis to eat lunch, and then to vivo city.
walked for awhile, and we wanted to watch movie!!
but it wasn't of the right timing. had to go home by 6 to go out & eat dinner.
then, we went to orchard. lol.
my mentor and i were like having a great feeling that we'll see miss tan.
but, fortunately, we didn't see her. that's a good sign.
i feel so weird going shopping with a guy. LOL.
the three of us became so tired and felt like sleeping. =x
sat at macdonalds outside shaw again, and watched the human traffic.
at last, we decided to go back.
qx went to kimage to cut her hair, and eugene went to jeanyip.
poor me have to go and fetch my baby brother.
walked to and fro, and i was half-dead by then.
i couldn't bathe when i got home because there isn't time for me to.
argh. changed and went out again.
i felt so sticky and stinky.
my parents ordered so much food!!
was struggling to finish 'em up.

slept in the car while fetching my grandparents home.
continued sleeping all the way till i reached home. wahh.
i'm so damn shagged.
there's still recee tomorrow!!
wonder how i'm going to survive that. o.O

-worn out-

2007-02-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

YAY!! today is the start of my new hp bill.
my bill last month is going to be a disaster for sure.
i'm sure i'll get nagged by my parents.

been feeling sleepy during lectures these few days. =x
that's because i'm sleeping late in the night.
i've been blogging around 12am almost everyday?
hahas. that explains why i'm so shagged.

i'm so busy with school activities these few days.
had meeting for the campfire thingy, & after that, i'm suppose to help out at the soccer match.
MJC vs TPJC.
MJC won lahh. hahas. 4-1. yay.
was kinda upset with some people today because some ppl scolded me for blocking their view.
oh well, shan't talk about it anymore.
headed to white sands to eat macdonalds.
got suan-ed by so many ppl, in fact, all of them.
they actually gossip-ed about me and my mentor. =.=
the 2 of us sitting tgt doesn't mean anything ok. so ya.
and miss tan was the overall mastermind of the rumour lahh.
i think she was the one who STARTED it. (from what i heard)
& now, more and more ppl know about it. dots...
she shouldn't have been at orchard the other day.
that was sooooo wrong. lol.
even going home also kena suan by them.
nvm. shan't say it here. =D

tmr i'm going shopping again!! whee~
can't wait to buy more stuffs. hahas.

-yourguardianangel-

2007-02-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to ALL. :)
enjoy your time with your love ones ya?
& for those who are still single, may you guys find your true love someday.

school starts at 8.30 today, but i'm suppose to report to school at 7.30 for vDay thingy.
and my mentor told me to report at 7am.
it was around 6.40 when he told me that it starts at 7.30.
argh~ if not i can sleep for another 1/2 hour!!
after reaching school, i followed xiaoling, another councillor and my mentor to loyang point.
bought chocolate and some other stuffs.
eugene is so bad lah. didn't buy anything for bora and i.
old man jiu shi old man.

received loads of presents today.
THANKS to those who gave me sth. :)
had meeting and choir at the same time lah.
but i went for choir instead.

after choir, i wanted to look for my mentor because i have had no idea if the meeting was over.
sms-ed my mentor but there wasn't a reply.
asked xiwen if she had seen him, and she said he went for another meeting.
so, i went to white sands mac to eat with qx.
oh ya!! kenneth said 'something' became the joke of the year.
LOL. and allie so bad lah. still continue laughing at her.
hahas. better don't write your name down. it's so malu.
but take care k? :)

after reaching white sands, my mentor replied and asked if i could lend him a helping hand in making the placards. =.=
i'm like.. hello, i left school already!!
i feel so bad for his stead!! today is vDay, and he has to stay in school to do the placards alone! =x
so, i decided to help him out and be the kind one to help him.
but now, he told me not to go back. grr~
he didn't want to tell me his whereabouts so that i could find him.
fine. so i decided not to go look for him. hao xin mei hao bao. *biish*
hadn't reply his sms till now. opps.

okay. having much said, i shall start doing my chemistry.
oh ya. before i end, i want to announce that i just PASSED my geog.
LOL. this is the first paper i passed ever since i stepped into MJC.
hahahas.

- love is sweet, yet sour, at times. -

2007-02-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

oh great~
i heard a rumour about me and this guy - the one who started it.
WTH!! he - my classmate, said that he likes this girl in my class, and that this girl likes him too.
(he told me he likes me thru' email. but i pretended i knew nth about it)
that is SO NOT TRUE lah.
when i heard that i was like.. hello, please don't spread your assumptions!
oh gosh~ i better pray he doesn't give me anything on vDay.

had choir till 7.30 pm, and then went to help out in the packing of roses.
i went home at 9.15!! so late. lucky there isn't any homework. :)
tomorrow i'll be helping out again for vDay. whee~
i tink i'm used to be the SKW. lol.

- i miss being a prefect in sec school -

2007-02-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

since i'm waiting for my hair to dry, i shall blog about what happened today - monday. :)

i had a shocked out of my life!
there isn't school today, so i slept like a pig because i was so shagged.
& guess what?
i received an sms from my god-bro (shan't say his name), wishing me happy vday.
i was too lazy to reply, and continued sleeping.
then, another sms came from him. he asked if i'm spending vday alone or with someone.
so, i reluctantly picked up the phone and replied.
and after a while, i read his reply.
he asked me for stead lahh.
i was so tired that i leave my phone there and continued sleeping.
another sms came in and he asked if i'm free to go out with him on that day. =.=
once again, i ignored and continue my sleep.
after 4 hours, i woke up and totally forgot about this incident.
then, my mentor smsed me at around 11 plus.
went to my inbox and i found my god-bro's sms in my phone.
oh gosh~ all along i thought i was dreaming. but i wasn't!! =x
i totally had no idea what to reply.

back to what i did today. it was SHOPPING day.
went bugis with qiu xuan to eat KFC, and walked around bugis street and edge.
i saw so many valentine's day bears all bundled together with flowers.
so NICE lahh. xDD
after 2 hours, we went to citylink for awhile, and then to marina square.
saw mh and ws there. (alice, you shld know who. hahas.)
after an hour or so, we headed to city hall.
from there, we walked all the way to orchard lahh.
our legs were like.. 'breaking' soon.
my toe hurts so much. it was about to rain, so we sped up our pace.
it was so damn tiring. =x
went to fareast to shop. bought loads of stuffs there.
hahas. i even had to use my card cause i spent all my cash.
i haven't shop finish yet!!
i'm going to continue on friday. lol.
after walking for 7 long hours, we decided to head home.
suppose to shop with eugene ~~and his mom~~ at vivo city, but my legs can't take it anymore.
so ya. went home to eat porridge. :)
my legs are aching now. think i'll have difficulties walking tmr.

-shopping,shopping&moreshopping-

2007-02-11T10:30:00.000+08:00

i was bluffed by eugene (my mentor) to go to chinatown yesterday!!
he sounds as though i need to go for the recee,
but i found out yesterday that it isn't a must for me to go. =.=
make me wake up so early in the morning.
stupid old man~ old man is his nickname from now on.
and i told everyone there that he is the old man.
and everyone started calling him that. LOL.
but he told the rest that my name is kiddo. dots...

suppose to have breakfast in the morning,
but thanks to that old man so many of us starved.
had recee till 1pm. the weather is so damn hot.
grrr~
ate lunch together with the chinatown-ers.
headed to the mrt station, and most of them went home or to meet their friends.
the old man had to wait till 5 for his friends to do his geog project.
since i didn't know where to go, we ended up going to orchard to waste time.
window-shopped with him for 1 hour.
we walked and walked and walked, till we reached somerset.
saw the cinema there, and decided to watch movie.
hahas. but we didn't know what to watch!!
so we walked to the other cinema at shaw instead.
watched 'happy birthday' with him.
thanks for the treat!! :)
while waiting for the show to start, he bought such a big coke lah.
he's a shui tong. lol.
sat at macdonalds along the roadside and chatted.
crapped with him the whole day long.
made fun of him loads of time. who ask him to become my mentor. hahas. =P

the movie is so nice and romantic. xDD - but i don't like the ending -
tears filled my eyes. lucky eugene didn't see or he'll make fun of me.
i was laughing in the theatre because of a guy sitting in front of eugene.
he's watching it alone, and laughing alone too.
got 'scolded' by eugene cause of that. =.=
there's a lot of singing parts in the movie, and i was laughing cause that guy can't sing.
and eugene said "doesn't mean i in choir i can laugh at other ppl".
lol. but i continued laughing. =D
oh ya!! before that i saw miss tan wan yi (if i spell correctly) there lah.
she said hi to eugene and i.
we're so dead, confirm kena suan by her on tuesday. =x
we started chatting while going down the long escalator.
bluff-ed her and said we're just walking around. :)

i wanted to go to the toilet but we couldnt find the toilet lah.
walked for so long, and that old man claimed that there's a toilet ahead.
walked round and round, but only found it after 6 mins or longer?
hahas. after that, he went to meet his friend and i went to meet my cousin.
so shagged.!

- shagged -

2007-02-11T10:23:00.000+08:00

whee~
i'm quite happy with my results, other than the fact that my english sucks.
lols. tears of joys trickled down my cheeks.
it's been a damn long time, or rather, the first time i cried because i'm HAPPY.

after taking results, val, alice, qx and i went to mac.
decided to go to bugis for some shopping. qx went home.
in the end, i only bought a handphone pouch. =.=
i haven buy any clothings for cny yet!! =x

went to meet johan at 9 plus with val and alice at mac.
hahas. they were crapping a lot there lahh. =D
then, johan sent me home.
but before that, he told me to accompany him to return the bball to his friend.
played bball with him at 10 plus lah.
so retarded. hahas. but i won him!! xDD
went home at around 11.
i owe johan a day out lah. sian. i'm broke le lah!!

-now,atleastatroubleiscleared-

2007-02-09T10:07:00.000+08:00

today is the day that will determine my future. and i really mean it.
it will determine my job in future, the path i'll take in future.
it determines EVERYTHING.
i've spoken to mr nathan (one of mjc's council teacher i think).
i told him what i want to be in future, and asked him loads of qns.
he told me to go to JC and not a poly or i'll have to go one whole big round.
and because of this, i'm so damn nervous.
i NEED to get to mjc SCIENCE.
& this means that i need to get 13 and below because the cut-off point for science is 9??
omg omg omg.
i can't go to other JCs too!! they are either very far, or the rate of ppl going to uni is low.
arghh!! my heart is beating so damn fast ever since i woke up today.
ppl has been smsing and wishing me luck.
& i got a birthday luck from junwei (my OGL).
wahh, i hope all these are going to do me good.

it's 4 hours from now before i'm going to break down and cry.
and i know that will happen.
i guess some will tell me not to cry, and compare my results with them and say i shldn't cry.
but if you all happen to see this post, i hope you guys can pardon me.
if i don't get what i want later, i WILL cry till god-knows-when. (i want a 12, nice no. =D)
god, save me please~
my future will depend on the marks i get.

-i'm so nervous, & i'm saving my tears for later. -

2007-02-08T10:06:00.000+08:00

oh gosh~
results are going to be out tomorrow.
i'm feeling real tensed up now.
i really really need to get 13 and below this time round.
MJC's cut off for science is around 9 or 10.
omg. i regret so much for not concentrating during O's.
sigh. i want to get into MJC and the course i want.
god, help me please.

been failing my tests. arghh.
but the seniors said that it's common to fail the tests. =.=
i'm seriously not used to it.!!

-wishingforthebest-

2007-02-04T12:05:00.000+08:00

busy, busy, BUSY.
i could barely find the time to do things i want to do.
after slacking for practically 2 months after olevels ended,
it's diffiult to get back on track.
this is when laziness comes in. sigh.
and soon, olevel results is coming out in another 5 days time.
i'm still not prepared for the worst.
but one thing is for sure - i'm going to break into tears.

i missed the sunrise, and the sunset.
wanted to catch them badly, but somehow, i missed it.

yesterday was MJC's college road race.
competitors are suppose to run 3.3 km.
i'm one of them. :)
the rest are to ~~run~~ jog and walk for 3.1 km.
well, i did both. muscles are aching today. =x
it's the first time i ran such a long distance.

after the run, my og went to raffles city to eat BEN & JERRY!!
spent $80 in total. :)
had difficulties finish the 9 tubs of ice-cream. =x
i wonder how the other OG finish that $200 (or more) voucher. lol.
took pictures of the ice-creams.
shall upload next time. :)
after that, we decided to play bowling & some said pool.
so we headed to tampines safra.
we waited for about 2 hours!! grr~
but meanwhile, we played darts, pool, and photohunt.
whee~ we got the highest score twice. xDD
time to play bowling.
we bet with one another - girls vs guys.
the loser will treat the winner drinks on monday.
and the GIRLS WON.
wakakas. girl power~
i got 5 spares, with a total of 119.
so long didn't play already. and i was shocked to get that result.
hahas. yay. i'm getting a free drink on monday. cool. :)
hmm. hope there's more of such outing in future.
i want to go ice-skating!!

it's been a long time since i go out with alice, mabel and val.
sigh. i've got so many homeworks and test is coming up next week.
miss the times we had for the past few years.
JC LIFE IS SO SO SO STRESSED lah.
but well, for the sake of my future, i shall persevere.

- staying single is the best.!! -

2007-01-25T17:21:00.000+08:00

tears actually filled my eyes a few times in school today!
that's because i'm too stressed up.
i have plentiful doubts and difficults in almost every subject.
SCREAM~
think all the stress i had in secondary school can't be compared to this one now.
it's so much.. worse. sigh.
how i wish i can have a study buddy who stays with me in school to study. :)

i'm weird today because i did weird things. things which i'm not suppose to do.

- hey. tell me how you feel please~ or it'll be too late? =x -

2007-01-24T18:51:00.000+08:00

life's stressed up these few days, especially today.
can't do my maths last night, and when i'm in class asking for help,
i realised i've got LOADS of careless mistakes!!
wth wth. & oh great, i've got loads of homework to finish up today. sigh.

went to ws to eat mac with qx.
and we saw alice, hazel, saddiq, etc.
wahh. been a long time since i last saw them. =(
so long didn't go alice's house.
hmm. shall find one day (hopefully i'm free) and go to her house.
i miss pepsi too!! :)

the feeling of being free is just so good.
i simply love that feeling.
no hurt, no worries, no tears.
& well, i guess i am free now, i suppose. :)
alice asked me a qns at ws, and i actually said no.
though i was in a dilemia, i hope i mean what i say.
though the feelings i had when i said that wasn't how i expect it to be,
at least i manage to say a no?
i thought i'll be delighted to say that, but, sth's just not right.
but whatever~ i don't care.
i promise myself that i'll get you out by the end of this month. :)

- i really want to be free, or perhaps, find the one suitable for me instead. xDD -

2007-01-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of my great grandmother for the second time! :)
i'm missing her loads.
if only time can go back...

and guess what?
i've been posted to ALTO again!
grr~ i can hit both the low and high keys, though i hit the low ones better.
sigh. there's going to be another audition on tuesday to see if i go to A1 or A2.
hmm. hopefully i can change to SOP2.

it's been a long time since i spent something on myself.
i've been dying to go shopping.
but thanks to all the hw that i can't even have spare time to do other things. =(
messaged mr rafi yesterday, and we chatted on quite some stuffs.
i miss him too!!~
shall visit him one day at hsc. :)

- the secret i'll keep with my cousin till the time is ripe :) -

2007-01-19T13:57:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of someone yesterday ! xDD it's my first time, and it' a funny one. hahas. but my head hit the cupboard and i woke up. =x

tutorials are killing me. there's so many homework each and everyday. sigh. having difficulties in chemistry. i'm so dead. & i think i'm the only one who takes combined science in my CG. =x
hopefully i can catch up with the rest of 'em. think i need to mug hard this weekend and stay at home to finish my HUGE pile of homeworks. well, i need to get good grades.

hmm. i signed up for the college road race with diyana. :) 3.3 km run at pasir ris park on the 3rd of feb.hopefully my house will WIN ! i wonder if.... (can't say). =D

sorry for making you angry. glad that we're okay again :) friends forever~

- i wake up everyday and think of you . i wish we can continue the way we are now :) -

2007-01-17T15:45:00.000+08:00

am i finding excuses for myself?
oh gosh. what the hell am i trying to do?
should i put it to a halt, or just wait and see how things go?
oh well, i guess it's difficult to stop, really.
never once had i succeeded.
so ya. guess i have no choice but hope for the best. o.O

- so what exactly is 'that'? -

2007-01-15T17:57:00.000+08:00

the more i get closer, the more i'm afraid.
i really want it, but i'm unprepared;
unprepared for another setback.
guess the best way is to stay where i am;
to not move another step closer to either sides and just stay still.
& i shall wait, and wait.. till....

- uncertainty -

2007-01-14T10:42:00.000+08:00

i'm down with so many homeworks.
and the worst part of that is that i have some difficulties doing 'em.
once again, i'll be struggling with these homeworks.
the idea of having two cca kept bothering me.
having two isn't a bad idea, but i'm scared that i'll neglect my studies.
oh well, studies still come first, but i love performing.
sigh. if only there's a better solution to this pathetic problem of mine.

pre-occupied with my studies these days,
and that leaves me no time, or rather, a little time for me to think of him.
i guess, i'd have to say that i miss his presence.
walking past the places we used to go, or even, the things we used to do,
i'll feel so alone now.
even in my house, i could still remember what we did and talked about.
sigh. i miss those days.
& today is your second day overseas.
hope you enjoy yourself. :)

well oh well, i shall continue with my homework now.
tatas.

- what will my future be? -

2007-01-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

i'm getting stressful nowadays.
everyone is like studying every single moment in mjc,
even as early as 6.50am in the morning.
omg.
had our CCA selection two days ago.
i wanted to choose dance,
but after going the choir audition,
the mood of singing suddenly came back.
hahas. so i put choir as my first choice instead. :)
received an email from MJC's choir.
wakakas.

went back to coral yesterday and today.
awww~ i miss coral so much!!
i miss mr rafi a lot!! hais. too bad he has trasferred.
i'm gonna visit him someday! :)
valerie came and meet qx and i.
wahh. miss her loads too!
hadn't been seeing her since O's ended. =x
we checked out the choir, and.. well.. still not bad lah.
got improvements. =)

quarrelled with my brother this morning.
took my old phone to use without my permission.
there's so many of precious msgs in it, more than a hundred.
and he deleted 2 of 'em.
argh.
so pissed with him. and he punched my arm. grr~
went to school, and i took out my phone, wanting to msg him.
i don't know why. i just feel like it.
it took me 10 minutes to think if i should send to him or not. =x
well, i sent it in the end. no idea if it was right or wrong.
but he replied me in the afternoon. o.O
think i still love him. can't really forget him totally.
maybe time will heal.
he's going overseas tomorrow.
take care kays? :)

went to central to eat dinner.
had a serious stomach ache. ended up not eating after ordering the food. =x
so wasted, but couldn't eat.
and there's this grp of guys sitting ~~in front of~~ behind me.
so irritating.
& they are all discussing about me, or rather, argueing.
lucky my parents are with me. :)
if not, i can guess what will happen. lol.
pretended i didn't hear anything.
hahas. policy of i-don't-know-ism. xDD

- maybe loving someone else will make me get over euu -

2007-01-07T18:32:00.000+08:00

finally i'm back, blogging. :)
been 'busy' lately, and the fact that my brother has been using it for days.
played mahjong every weekend.
maybe that's the only thing i could do at my grandma's house.

school starts on wednesday.
went to mjc with qiu xuan in the morning.
had 3 days of orientation.
wakakas. it was fun!!~
was having a serious flu on the first day.
argh. hate it lots.
i felt terrible on that day.
i was sick on the second day too. :(
having fever, flu and cough on that day.
oh gosh~ so, i didn't go to school.
suprising right? lols.

hmm. audition for dance is on monday.
hope my friends and i can enter. x))
mjc's choir called me, but i told someone else to pick up the phone.
faked that i forgot to bring my phone out.
lols. i'm sick of choir. don't know why.
but well, if there's no choice, i guess i shall join choir again. =x

regarding my dream job..
wakakas. someone told me to join.
hmm. should i go??
qiu xuan, i'll tell you the website as soon as i see you. :)
whee~

- DANCING -

2007-01-01T14:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!
a brand new year with a brand new start.
hope everything goes smoothly,
with a nice START and a nicer ENDING. :)

went theme park yesterday at 11.45 and played till 4+?
headed home and bathe,
and i realised i had sunburns on my face. =x
my face is like so red lahh.

proceed on to my grandma's house for countdown.
played mahjong, watched tv, etc.
finally, it was 11.45.
it's JJ Lin's turn to perform. yay.
he's so cute!! xDD
went downstairs to play sparkles, etc.
my baby bro so scared of sparkles!
LOL. slowly persuaded him and ya, he finally dared to hold the stick. x))
went home around 2.
yawns. so tired.

this morning, my cousin msged me and told me they continued playing mahjong till 6a.m.
argghh..
i also want to play!!
but too bad, my mom wanted to sleep at home. sigh.

once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

- i'll get you out of my mind, i promise. :) -

2006-12-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

wow. been so many days since i last update.
hah. i'm getting lazy.

went to several places these few days. :)
went to MJC to report early in the morning.
went to coral too. lol.
hmm. hopefully i'll get into the course i want!! xDD

went to watch 'night in the museum with yunn yue, allan & wen hao.
hahas. going out with ~~them~~ the guys are weird.
so hard to talk to them. LOL.
was talking about dance with yunn yue.
she wants to join dance too!!
yay. hopefully we both get in.
i miss our primary school days where we dance tgt.

went to carrefour with qiu xuan in school uni too.
hahas. it was funny, right qx?
i know you want me to say this. lol.

drank beer last night!!
wakakas. so long never drink le. =x

going to escape later again.
and i just went there last sunday,
with the same ppl.
gtg. tatas!

- your name kept appearing in my head -

2006-12-21T12:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday was boring.
stayed at home the whole day!
argh. and i guess, it's no difference today.
well, maybe a lil'.
going to my cousin's house later on at night.

and i dreamt of JJ LIN last night!!
yayness. wakakas.
my brother jolted me from my siesta. =x
but it's okay, cause i continued my dream again.
lols. he's so handsome lahh. xDD

thought of him when i was brushing my teeth.
about what we crapped about online a few days ago.
hahas.
do i still love him? i've no idea at all.
maybe it became a habit to have him cheering me up all the time.
but, why is he the first person to come up to my mind everytime?
hais.

- i want to love you, but you want to stop me. i want to stop loving you too, but i just can't let you go. -

2006-12-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

was so freaking pissed off today.
bloody hell.
and i think i scolded a lot of vulgarities today.
but whatever.
i don't give a damn now.

went to macdonalds to eat breakfast with my cousin and brother.
my cousin wanted to sit outside.
so ya. went outside to sit with him.
on the way out, there were two lower sec kids at the door,
staring here and there.
i saw that, and i ignored them.
sat outside, went to buy my food, and started eating.
then, more and more ppl came out of macdonalds and PURPOSELY made a lot of noise.
can't be bothered with them initially.
then, i heard them talking about the three of us, especially me.
fucker. when i heard that, i was like.. who's that asshole who said that.
but when i looked up, there was so many ppl, about 10.
bloody hell. stupid ginnapi.
da chi xiao.
then, more and more ppl came and 'surround' us.
they started taking out knifes and one bamboo pole.
WTF. & they were planning what to deal with us.
wanted to diao jui, but we're bound to get whack first if they see us holding the phone.
and even if we diao jui, our friends all in the west,
by the time those ppl come they go off le.
assholes.
wanted to call our uncle, or grandfather, or another uncle, or our friends.
couldn't decide who to call.
and there's this fucking guy who scolded me so loudly in hokkien.
he told me to kum my father's lanjiao.
fuck him la. cb.
the rest of 'em kept scolding cb behind, and a lot more vulgarities.
kaopei. no cb don't scold cb lah.
wa lao eh.
then another guy was behind,
and shouted and asked where we chap.
you guys should find us trouble in bb, not here.
just one call and you guys can fucking crawl home.
you want to play knifes ah? want to play with 'sparrow' instead?
got a lot leh. take your pick lah.
they go jail before cause of 'sparrow', and got slashes on their bodies.
you guys can join them there man. fuckers.
but on thinking that there's only 3 of us, we had no choice but to keep quiet.
was thinking who stay near pasir ris instead.
so, i ended up messaging *him*. =x
more and more ppl came, and there was about 20 of them by now.
wanted to walk away first and diao jui.
but we were surrounded by them.
assholes.
so we waited there till they fucking go off.
diao diao diao. fuck off lah. nb.
after they went off, my cousin told me that just now,
there's this girl who stood behind me and act cute.
then, she purposely sit behind me and diao me.
and then, she spat on the floor beside me.
argh!!! too bad i didn't realise before that.
by then, i was fucking pissed off.
vulgarities kept flowing out of my mouth.
walked towards the mrt station and waited for my cousin to finish his cigarette.

argh. i swear if i see them at macdonalds again,
i'll call my cousin down with his friends.
better not di siao us anymore.
ASSHOLES.

went to boon keng today,
and today is damn damn suay lah.
there's like so many ppl diao-ing us.
and there's a lot of ji ko bei.
wah kao.

my cousin 'blamed' me somemore.
lols. and he say if it wasn't for me just now, we won't tio tai ji.
and won't get so many diao-ing today. =.="
and going out with me is kinda dangerous.
hahas. crap lah.

~ i HATE bloody assholes ~

2006-12-18T10:39:00.000+08:00

cousins came over to my house around 11 yesterday,
and the whole house became so noisy.
they're supposed to go to the theme park.
but the weather was terrible.
so they came back in less than 1 hour.
didn't go because of my pathetic toe. grr~

so, adults played mahjong, and the kids watched tv, computer, etc.
carried my lil' baby cousin for a while.
hahas. he's so cute lah. :D
planned to go to the class chalet,
but mabel said she's lazy and wants to sleep. =x
sian 1/2.
josh and co. were at dhoby ghaut lah.
said want to meet, but i waited till 9++,
& they're still there playing pool.
wth. so i decided not to go already.
so ya. playing mahjong at home instead.

had late dinner and my cousin went back.
looked at my table and realised that everyone has been flipping through my things!!
cham le lah. dunno what have they seen, or what-so-ever.
all i know is that.. one of my cousin saw his name and everything about him in my secret book.
argh..!!!
so dead so dead so dead.
though it wasn't his full name, but i guess she has guessed it out. =x

i can't stand my table being so messy anymore!!
so i started packing those books i'm supposed to give to my aunt.
though my table is neater now,
there's still loads of 'em on my table.
i shall clear them up later. :)

hmm. my toe is getting better, i guess,
& i took out the bandage yesterday.
hahas. let me show you my PATHETIC TOE.

wakakas. the first day was worse.
now the two holes on my leg caused by the needles could be seen.
just hope that my toe gets better in no time. x))

- as i flipped through my things, i just can't bear to throw anything of yours away -

2006-12-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

supposed to visit my tuitor today,
but he wasn't there.!! grr~
so, alice and i went to meet a and mh and dunno who.
lols. 'watched' them play bball.
wanted to play, but i was wearing heels. =x
the weather was so hot and i was perspiring like mad.

i injured my toe while i was sitting on the swing.
lol. and alice said that's the disadvantage of being tall. -.-''
there wasn't any blue black intially,
but after going to marine parade with those ppl,
the blue black appeared and it got worst. :(
see those guys play pool there,
and it was hilarious. hahas.
they went to dunno who's house,
and i took a cab to my grandma's house,
while alice took bus home.

reached my grandma's house,
and everyone looked at my toe.
lol. and they questioned me how i got that. =X

i saw my new-borned cousin!!
yay. he's so cute.
wakakas. but i didn't carry him cause my toe hurts.
everyone insisted that i shld see the doctor cause my toe turned.. black?
so ya. went to see,
and the doctor used the needle and poke my feet twice,
and wrap it with medicine.
i thought there was going to be some rubbing or sth.
lucky there isn't, if not i'm bound to cry.
the doctor is a bit exaggerating lah.
injured one toe and wrapped up my whole feet.
hahas.

after slacking at my cousin house,
went down and my dad fetched us to paya lebar to eat at 11.30p.m
hahas.
gtg now. shall update next time. :)

2006-12-11T09:19:00.000+08:00

FULL HOUSE is such a nice show.
hahas.
never fails to make me laugh. xDD
qx, i saw the english version of dance le.
LOL. damn funny. =D

guess things are going well for me?
not having any problems so far.
hmm.. wonder if i'll ever get my dream job. =x

been thinking of him without me knowing,
until i suddenly woke up from my senses.
it's weird.
didn't even have the intention of thinking of him,
but it just happened. =x

- last december, u came into my life. this december, u're gone -

2006-12-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

back to blogging. =)

went out yesterday to look for jobs with qx, mabel and yong wei.
there's so much to type! hahas.
so the best way is to look at qiu xuan's blog.
LOLS.

full house is so nice!! =D
and i still have a long way to go.. =x

dad and mom told me to go to their factory to help them.
so ya. basically, i was facing the computer since i stepped into the office.
& i'm going back tomorrow again. =.=
cousin is coming over tmr too.
no idea if he'll go over too, or stay at home with god-knows-who.
hahas. can't imagine him 'trapped' in the factory.

two days ago, i dreamt of someone,
someone whom i used to confide in,
someone who listens to my sorrows,
someone who's there for me no matter what.
but i guess, it's all over. =x
this dream really made me wonder,
if we'll get back to the past,
where all of us play and laugh together.
i guess, i guess, it's really difficult.
is that trip the last outing we'll ever have? sigh.
i really really really hope that that day should never have happened.
maybe, if it wasn't for me, things wouldn't turn out this way.
sigh. guess it was my fault. =x

& am i treating myself coldly these days?
i'm not having any idea what i'm thinking.
do i still care for you? or love you?
i don't even know.
i think i don't love you anymore.
but why does my heart still hurt?
why do i still care if you're doing fine?
ppl mentioned about you in front of me,
and i just listened as though i'm not interested anymore.
i really don't want to hear or care anymore.
but why does my heart want to ask about you whenever someone told me sth about you?
i want to ask so many things about you, about how you're doing,
and every other thing.
but i tried my very best not to ask anyone.
i'm so confused. =x
is forgetting you that tough?
though all your photos and messages are in my phone,
i didn't even look at them. not even a glance.
i don't think of you that often anymore.
so, does that mean you're out of my heart too? =x
we msg-ed, and i don't have that 'feeling' that i use to have.
maybe, i still have that 'feeling'.
& i know i'll be in self-denial if i were to say i don't have.
i said i shan't bother you anymore if you're busy.
but is that what i want? i don't know.
& when you tell me you're having your day off,
why, why did i reply? =x
does that mean that i still love you, and you're still in my heart?

sigh. i wonder, if there will be someone, who will untie the knots in my heart..

- what is love? is it suppose to be sweet? or bitter? -

2006-12-05T12:24:00.000+08:00

whoa. finally everything is over.
my great grandmother became a fairy. x))
and she's in heaven now.
it's a good thing, but everyone cried yesterday.
my grandfather, especially, cried the most.
i kept crying and crying until my eyes were swollen.
i just can't bear to leave her.
the cameraman said that he captured my great grandmother's soul in the camera while we're doing some praying and procedure.
oh man~ can't wait to see the video.

was helping out at the wake and i didn't sleep throughout the night.
everyone's asleep, except for my cousin, uncle and i.
luckily there were jokes around to keep us awake.
stayed overnight there for 2 days.
came back last night and i slept immediately after i ate finish.
it was 8 plus only.
and i woke up at 12 today, thanks to my brother who woke me up. =x
my eyes is damn swollen now, and i haven had my lunch.
guess i shall go white sands to buy my food soon.

~ you will still be in our heart :) ~

2006-12-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

went to the wake yesterday,
and i cried there. =x
hais. life's just so unpredictable.
stayed there and helped out till 11 plus.
my uncle, cousins and i were chatting about the past,
about what happened when my grandpa, uncles, etc got into trouble when their young,
with their backups and everything.
hmm.. yesterday, i got to see most of my relatives.
didn't know that some were actually 'pai kia' from ???.
was shocked tt so many ppl know my grandpa and 'tattoo-ed' uncle.
omg. well, it's kinda cool though.
glad to have them around. =))

i know we shldn't talk about all these stuffs yesterday,
but somehow, it's so interesting that we couldn't stop talking about it,
especially that time when my cousin got whacked
& all my relatives went to confront that ~~stupid~~ guy.
a fight nearly broke out though. =x

i'm so bored at home!
been using the computer since 9?
i'm running out of things to do!

today is my BABY BROTHER's birthday.!!
no idea if we're celebrating or what. =(
shall leave to my parents to decide.

- everytime i dream, there's bound to be sth related to you -

2006-11-30T09:58:00.000+08:00

my great grandmother just passed away. =x
just realise how much i've neglected her.
hais. i miss her so much.
why must she leave right at this moment?
it's suppose to be next year.
why now?!?
*cries*

- i miss your presence -

2006-11-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

was watching 'so you think you can dance' last night.
so COOL. omg.
the dancers were hot. =D

alice called and told me to go to central.
was reluctant to go initially,
but somehow i went there in the end.
alice and kevin were eating when i went there.
discussed about the prom night thingy.
then hong ru came, followed by yi wan and michelle.
called loads of ppl.
if anyone wants to go, tell me ya? thanks.

went home at 11.15,
and drank guinness. wakakas.
starting was nice, but towards the end it became.. disguisting?
lol.
watched tv till 1.30am and went to sleep.

i'm waiting for ALICE to WAKE UP now.
hahas. mabel and i are waiting for you to wake up!
we're gonna rot at home soon.
it's so so so boring. =x

~ my dream job x) ~

2006-11-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

oh great.
i'm at my parent's factory using the computer now.
bored. bored. bored. bored. bored.

i miss you so much.
but will you ever know?
i love you so much.
but will you even care?

- i'm still waiting for a miracle, i guess -

2006-11-26T00:11:00.000+08:00

went to attend the gemmy awards today. =)
it was.. kinda fun.
but felt quite uncomfortable when they started singing and praying.
maybe it's because it's my first time seeing these things.
took loads of photos.
most of 'em is in joanna's camera.
shall update when i get it from joanna.
below are those in my hp. x))

below are those i took at marina and vivo! =D

(before i cut my hair)
wakakas.

2006-11-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

CAN SOMEONE SEND ME OFF THIS WORLD.?
everything is getting so screwed up.

2006-11-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

i found out something about you last night.
and how i wish i don't know about it.
no wait.
maybe i should know about it,
so that i can forget about you.

i tried not to cry, and i really didn't.
i guess i'm immune to the pain, the hurt you gave me over and over again.
maybe you're thinking what i've found out.
but it doesn't really matter anyway.
so what if you know?
the fact is the fact.
nothing can change it.

some may think that i'm so stupid,
to continue being your guardian angel.
i guess i really am.
but what's over me?
it's just a you.
why am i going nuts because of you?
some may say that i should cry and let it out.
but i'm keeping it to myself and trying my best not to cry.
and finally for the first time,
i 'succeeded' last night.
but i guess i'm a stupid fool.
my heart is hurting so much, yet i'm not crying.

i really feel like venting my anger on you. just you.
i want to scream out loud.
i want to hear myself say that i don't love you anymore.
but i know i can't do it.
not at this moment.

i'm just so sick and tired of it.
and i really am.

can someone FREAKING put everything to a halt?
i had enough.

- time and time again, you've hurt me. are you done with it? -

2006-11-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

finally i dreamt of him last night.
but i woke up as soon as he appeared in my dreams.
wth. damn.

went to alice's house early in the morning,
and headed to the salon with her mom, sis and her.
highlighted my hair and cut it.
my fringe is short now, real short.

slept at alice's house till 5.
and my phone kept ringing.
so irritating.
everyone's asking me how my bro did for his PSLE.
he got like.. 240 lah.
and that's an unexpected outcome.
thought he'll get 220+++ instead.

went for dinner with my family.
ate steam crabs. if only it was cold... =D
drove to orchard to see the lightings.
kinda nice. and it's longer than the previous years.
from orchard all the way to suntec. =)

i miss him terribly much.
SO MUCH...

- it looks like.. we're drifting apart after the exams. sigh. -

2006-11-20T18:36:00.000+08:00

i'm SICK now.
SICK SICK SICK!
argh. hate it loads.
fancy being sick at the wrong time.

someone save me please~

- thinking of you, wherever you are -

2006-11-20T10:21:00.000+08:00

didn't have the mood to study yesterday.
was troubled by some stuffs. =x
then he asked if i wanna go out and study.
so ya, maybe that will change my mood. =)

studied at mac, and did physics.
hong ru came and started crapping around.
and i mean craps!
make me so pai sei.
went home at about 9 plus when it's drizzling.
pai sei leh. make you drench in the rain oso. =x
tell you take umbrella don't want. =.=

talked on the phone to settle some stuffs.
and it was 1 by then.
slept at 2. *yawns*
and i woke up at like.. 5 plus.
so freaking tired.
didn't have the mood to do the paper.
think i'm gonna flung it.
but i don't care anymore.

supposed to go vivo city today!!
BUT my mother told me to take care of my baby brother.
damn the school. close on the wrong day.
ass. & now i'm stucked at home.
argh. i WANT to leave this house!!

- i miss him so much though i've just met him -

2006-11-19T09:24:00.000+08:00

someone cheated my feelings last night!
argh. waste my 8 presents i'm suppose to have,
but ended up spending on sth stupid.
feel so dumb sia. lols.
all thanks to SOMEONE.
grr~
better give me something nice okay.
if not you don't wish to get yours at all. =P

2006-11-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

and so, i went to my grandma's house.
came to realise that it was my grandma's birthday.
asked my aunt how old she is this year.
and she's only 60?
LOL. so young sia. =D

and another aunt of mine gave birth to a boy last sunday,
but i only found out today. =x
too long didn't stay contact with them le.
wakakas.
the baby is cute! (from what i see in the photo)
can't wait to carry him..!

he was in my mind on my way home.
well, maybe that has become my habit already.

- hao ai ni, dan que shou bu chu kou -

2006-11-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

talking over the phone with alice and spencer till 2.30.
sigh. cried over the phone.
no idea if they've noticed or not.
slept at 3 plus.
i was about to sleep when there's so many ppl sms-ing all of e sudden.
~weird

woke up at 12.
i'm still feeling tired.
and i'm sick now.
how great..

thinking of him since i woke up.
i don't have the mood to do anything today.
supposed to study with him,
but he didn't contact me.
so i think i shall just forget it.
should i go to my grandmother's house?
no idea at all.
i don't want to stay at home,
but i want to be alone.
i need some SLEEP.

yesterday was jun chao's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you la.
sorry haven buy you birthday present.
tell me in the testimonial bah. =)

- let me fade away from this world filled with pain -

2006-11-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

i thought i've got over him.
i told myself to treat him as a friend.
and i thought i'm able to do that.

but i just realised it's so difficult.
i thought i wouldn't be affected by him anymore.
and i told myself that i must not react to whatever he's doing.
but i'm getting emotional over the slightest thing.
my heart sank. and it hurts so much.
i'm on the verge on crying.
i don't know why i'm reacting this way.
i tried so many ways to forget him,
and i'm running out of ideas. =x
i want to drink!

i've told myself upteen times that i need to know where i'm standing.
thinking of what he said in msn and in the msg.
friends are telling me to get over and done with.
i'm telling myself that he has hurt me so many times,
and i shldn't carry on clinging onto him.
but all these don't seems to work. sigh.

- utterly confused -

2006-11-17T18:40:00.000+08:00

i think i'm falling sick soon. =x
skipped lunch today again. *oopppss*
history was okay. but don't think i did well for it.
wasn't feeling well after the paper,
but went white sands with val, alice, qx, mab, spencer.
headed to the library.
wakakas. the place is so not meant for me. =D
saw the book on ballet.
so i took and read. =)

and then, there's this someone who came and talk to me,
telling me about his bet with his friends and stuffs.
asked for my number and gave it to him.
ended up getting lectured by so many ppl like.. alice? val?
i'm like.. err.. okay. *speechless*
shan't talk about him anymore.

can't wait for goong to start! wakakas.
10 mins more! =D

- i know where i'm standing -

2006-11-15T23:39:00.000+08:00

i thought i'll be happier.
i thought i'll be able to concentrate.
i thought everything would be fine.
but that doesn't seems to be the case.

alice and co. came up my house and forced me to go to white sands. =x
didn't want to eat my lunch because i have no appitite.
ended up sitting at macdonalds and looking at them eat.

headed to school at 1.
wanted to slack at home, or maybe 'study' at home,
but had to pass him his calculator. so ya.
looked for him in school and passed it to him.
i didn't dare to talk to him. =x
so i just walked off as soon as he took it.
talked to yi wan, and he came.
i wanted to talk to him so badly, but i just don't have the courage.
kept quiet instead and took glances of him.
he walked off, and i continued talking to yi wan.
malcolm is irritating at times.
he loves anouncing to the world the purpose of me going to school so early.
ass. if onli he put these efforts on studies. =D

got emotional while talking to yi wan. =x
and she told me to study, bla bla bla.
promised her that i'll try.
in fact, i promised everyone. wakakas.

foyer was so noisy that i can't study there.
sat alone at the bench around the notice board.
decided to sit outside the hall.
it's so much peaceful there.
i tried reading. but each time, i'll think of him.
every word i read doesn't seems to get into my brain.
so i read those words over and over again. =x

told yi wan to wish him all the best for exams.
i wanted to, but i didn't dare.
it's so awkward. =(

tuitioned again till 10.20 - ten minutes early than yestserday. =D
jokes filled the atmosphere again.
i guess going for tuition will make me forget about him, at least for a few hours.
but sad to say, it's my last lesson. =x

i'm gonna sleep now.
*yawns*
still having a maths tomorrow.
ALL THE BEST to myself and my classmates. =))

2006-11-15T08:21:00.000+08:00

finally, after so many hours, i really felt happy for a moment.
and this time, it's real. x))
was waiting for him to come online till i nearly fell asleep in front of the computer.
chatted with someone online while waiting, and he told me some stuffs i don't wanna hear at all.
he said i must be feeling happy. but NO! i wasn't. not even a lil bit.

so i decided to msg him instead.
was talking on the phone with alice after we stopped msging.
he came online, and we chatted.
don't really know what to type.
there's like this barrier between us after he told me those words. =x
& he said i misunderstood what he wrote in the mail and msg.
i'm confused at that point in time.
misunderstood? misunderstood what? o.O
he said he just wanted to comfort me.
so, does he mean what he say in the msg and mail? =.=?
anyway, i'm glad that he told me these stuffs.
& i'm feeling so much better.
i'm not so bothered by those words.
and i think i should be able to concentrate better too. =D
just hope that things don't worsen between us.
i'll try not to cry that much too.

had a conference in msn with nicolas and him.
lol. was shocked when i found out it was wen hao's friend.
hahas. pai sei, didn't answer your qns.
i'm going to ask teacher today. =)

went to sleep, and i actually felt relax and happy?
maybe because he talked to me after 2 days or so.
i thought everything will be so different.
but we're chatting like the past,
just that the mailing and msg thingy somehow became a barrier. =x

he told me about her.
i was shocked, and sad, and worried.
i think he's upset over it.
i wanted to console him or sth at that point in time.
but i'm not his somebody.
so, i took that thought off my head.
oh well, i hope you'll be back with her. =))
cheer up ya? jia you for your poa today.

i'm gonna meet him to pass him his calculator later.
hmm. i guess it won't be so difficult facing him this time round.
=)

ok. enough of blogging.
gtg and study my geog.
haven even start on anything.
so dead...

- it hurts me to see you so upset -

2006-11-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

tuition-ed today, and i kept thinking of him on my way there.
ended up reading my maths on the way there to stop me from thinking.
well, it does work, sometimes.

my heart seems to be searching and hoping that i'll see him somewhere.
but on second thought, how am i going to face him? sigh.
skipped my lunch today.
didn't have the appitite to eat.
amaths paper was easier than i thought,
but i made a freaking idiot mistake - changing my answer to the wrong one when i'm right.
but i don't give a damn to it anymore.
i thought i was going to faint when i just seated on my desk during exam.
my head was spinning and my vision was blur.
rubbed my eyes, but still, everything is blur.
couldn't even look at the clock properly, & it's like.. there's a duplicate copy of every item i see.
but luckily, everything went back to normal. phew~

went to white sands to eat macdonalds.
thinking of him the whole way through.
laughed and joked around with mabel, joanna and deb.
i know i wasn't myself.
my mind is elsewhere, but i pretended as though i'm interested in whatever conversation is going on between us.

someone pushed me at the escalator, & i thought it was deb.
but she said it wasn't her.
looked behind, but i don't recognise who was that.
so i thought it can't be those guys behind me.
then, it happened again outside mac.
someone pushed me, and it's that guy behind me.
looked at him, and he smiled at me.
i stood there, dumbfounded.
kept staring to find out who's that.
and omg, it was CMC. lol.
he has changed so much. and it's really a lot.!
i think you guys can't recognise him. hahas.

sat at mac, eating and thinking of him.
wondering how i'm suppose to pass him his calculator malcom passed to me.
sigh. joanna and deb were talking loads of jokes in mac.
i was forced to laugh, or they'll know that i'm troubled.
walked home together with deb and joanna,
and they were a lil out of their minds.
laughing at one another and playing all the way.
joanna went to buy bubbletea.
while walking pass the 7-11 stall, i wanted to walk in and buy beer.
the urge is so strong, but what the hell can i buy when i'm in school-uniform?
jolly shandy? no thanks.
i might as well don't drink.
stood under joanna's block for a lil while, and chit chatted.
'laughed' together with them.

then, we went our separate ways.
the moment i waved goodbye to joanna and turned around,
the smile on my face is gone.
my mouth felt so tired, and numb.
it's as though i've been talking non stop for so many hours,
and my mouth needed some rest terribly.
oh gosh~ what's happening to me?
i can't laugh and smile the way i used to do.
whenever i laugh, tears want to come out from my eyes.
there seems to be a war between my laughter and tears.

deborah, you told me to let out whatever i'm feeling.
but i can't. =x
you asked me if i'm fine.
though i said yes, i admit i'm not fine.
i'm sorry that i lied.
but don't worry about me ok? =)

just mailed him because he doesn't seems to be online.
hopefully he reads it by tonight.
well, maybe you'll read my blog today.
so, sms me when you're online ok?
then i'll think of a way to pass you your calculator tomorrow. =))
good luck tomorrow anyway.

geography is tomorrow,
and i don't have the mood to study.
i'm sick and tired of whatever is happening now.
i find it so difficult to breathe.
i think i'm going to fall sick anytime soon.
having a slight headache now.
just hope that i'll be fine till O's.

- i want everything to remain the same as before -

2006-11-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

was awoken by an sms at 2 plus am.
i was dead tired, but somehow,
i went to read that msg, that msg that made me cry.
my inbox was full, and so,
i had to delete other sms-es one by one,
and wait for the message to update itself completely.
saw the first page, the second, and the last page.
tears filled my eyes immediately.
i broke down, sat up and hugged myself, and cried.
i don't know why i'm acting this way.
all i know at that point in time is that my heart is aching.
i couldn't control myself. tears kept rolling down my cheeks.
then, i thought of me going to meet deb and joanna to do maths in the morning,
so i decided to stop, cause i don't want them to see my swollen eyes.
lie down on my bed, and tears kept flowing.
wiped them away, but it's up to no use.
closed my eyes, thought of him, and i cried to my sleep.

woke up and i found out that i've cried till i slept.
oh well, went to check on my eyes, and it's a lil' swollen,
and lucky it wasn't obvious. guess it was a blessing in disguise.
tears are on the verge of coming out again, but my parents were at home.
fake a smile in front of 'em but my heart was hurting.
my parents finally left, and the moment the door was shut,
tears rolled down my cheeks. ='(
used the comp, having a feeling that there's sth for me to see.
and i saw words from him in msn when i was offline.
and that made me feel even worse.
joanna called, and she's gonna meet me in less than a minute's time.
quickly wipe of my tears, and went down.
smiled at her, and walked to white sands together.
& on the way there, tears filled my eyes.
trying my very best to control, but it doesn't seem to work.
but i was glad she didn't notice.

sat at macdonalds and did maths.
i was thinking of him. and when did that, i did more maths, more maths and more maths.
until suddenly, i broke down and cried.
joanna and deb was shocked, i guess.
stopped after a while, and continued after 10 mins?
argh. did even more MATHS.

went to the library.
hazel and chien wei came too, and left in 5 mins time.
thought of him again. and quickly stuff myself with maths.
alice called me, and told me about him.
shocked, and told her part of it only.
i don't want others to know what's in the msg, or msn.
so ya. no one knows about it till now.
and i'm not going to say till the time is right.
don't bother asking, cause i won't say a word.
then, i saw jia min and johnny. and it was followed by yong sing.
everyone is like busy doing maths.

went for tuition, with my head filled with those words.
it kept appearing in my head, words after words.
i'm so depressed.
did maths again, and lucky those funny ppl are talking lots of crap.
laughed at those lame jokes. so glad to have them around.

tuition ended at 10.30p.m.
hmm. so i did maths from 8 am to 10.30 pm.
was kinda glad that i'm having maths paper tomorrow,
and not sth which requires memorising.
if not, i'm bound to fail that subject.

i've just read your mail.
just don't bother about me, okay?
lead the life you want to lead, that carefree life you want.
treat it as though i've never loved you before,
if that will make you feel better. =)
& i guess, from your personal msg, that you're affected by my crap.
i don't want this to affect you too.
just do well for the rest of the papers.
i don't know how to face you in school,
whether we'll still talk to one another or not i don't know.
i don't want anything to change.
sometimes, i wished that you didn't tell me those words you said last night.
it made me feel worse off.
you shld have told me after O's ended, at least.
but what's done cannot be undone.
don't apologise to me anymore.
you've done nothing wrong. don't feel guilty.
like what i've told you during the start of april,
love is like that. there's no right or wrong.
feelings ain't there means it ain't there.
it can't be forced. so ya.
i hope you'll be happy with her.
stay happy always, and that will be my last favour from you. =)

- you're gone, forever. & it isn't easy for me to let go -

2006-11-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

freakin' pissed off today!!
argh. my stupid brother is so whackable.
ass. he told my dad about the photos in my computer account.
like.. wth?
he said i've got my boy friends photos,
and he added the word "a lot of 'em".
grr~ i guess i'm gonna quarrel with him, again.

*he* chatted with me online,
about 1 hour ago.
i seriously have no idea what he's thinking.
he said my nick added to his stress, bla bla bla,
and told me not to scold vulgarities,
or he ain't gonna talk to me anymore.
oh gosh~ the urge of scolding vulgarities now is so strong.
but i'm refraining from it, even when i typing this freakin' post.
i'm feeling so aggitated and paranoid now.
what's wrong with scolding vulgarities?
it's not as though others ain't doing that.
even your -her- is doing that.
so does it really matters to you?
i need to destress, and i can't find other way to do so.
you weren't there when i needed you the most.
i'm always speaking up for you in front of my friends,
and trying to fake a smile, a laugh everyday in my life,
even when i'm talking on the phone with alice.
my heart is crying, but i'm laughing to her over the phone,
until i cannot take it anymore, and there i go,
trying to hold back my tears as much as i could.
i'm sorry alice, if i've affected your mood that day.
each time i'm upset, i just want you to be by my side.
oh well, even if you can't be by my side,
it doesn't really matters. i want you to be happy.
but i don't think that's the way right now. =x
i don't want to say why i think so right here.
it's so unappropriate.

if you read this post of mine, i'm so sorry, if i sounded harsh or sth.
i'm blogging some of my feelings so that it won't be so suffocating to me.
don't let this affect you, ok?
i ain't in the right mood now. so ya. i'm sorry.
just do well for your exams and be happy.
and i think it's better if you don't read my blog.
i don't want it to affect you. =)
i'll try not to scold vulgarities anymore. (hopefully)

i gtg now. meeting deborah and joanna tomorrow to study.
hopefully, i won't think about this at all when i wake up.

- I'M SORRY -

2006-11-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

had a conference with some ppl.
and that's the worst conference i've ever had.
lol. =D
holding the phone but no one's talking.
and it's so unlike them. wakakas.
i thought the turn-out will be good,
but it's the opposite. lol.
and someone put down the phone without saying 'bye'.
hahas. if you see this, you know who you are. =P

conference ended, and another one started.
lol. talking till 1 plus a.m. =D

had tuition today,
and was msging someone when that person is in front of me.
it's like so retarded. hahas.
ate lunch with mr wang and co.
and i think E is suspecting something. lol.
but i don't care. =D

just reached home not long ago,
and i'm having this depression right now.
like wtf? argh.
been scolding vulgarities recently. =x
that's so unlike me.
and i guess you guys know wth it's all about.
sigh. saw something online,
and i'm like.. everyone has moved on, but what the f*ck am i doing here.
wasting my life and suffering from the f*cking depression.
she has found her happiness, & i'm happy for her.
she has finally let go of him, and found her mr. right.
it's so easy to advise ppl what to do,
but when it comes to myself, it's like so difficult.
why the f*ck i can't let you go? #&%*$.!@

hais. i shall not write any further or more @#*% words will appear in my blog.

- maybe i'm just a fucking girl among the crowd by your side -

2006-11-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

finally, my blog is getting alive after dunno how many days.
5 more papers to go and O's gonna be over.
coolness. =))

physics and geography was kinda tough.
argh. my geography is like CMI. damn it.

lack of sleep these few days.
9 hours for 3 days. can you imagine?
even my mom says i'm having dark circles. =x

he sent me to school for 3 days. =)
& it makes me think about the past.
qx, sorry ah. real sorry. but don't worry lahs.
i still love you. LOL. ( i know that's what you want me to say )

alice, thanks for your help on thursday ah.
if not i think i'll faint on the ground,
or vomit and die there. wakakas. =)
THANKS BABE.

talked to him on the phone till 1.30 a.m.
wah. so shagged, but persist on.
and i had to get up at 7a.m. to meet some ppl from another school.
they were so late can.
opps. maybe they'll see this post, but.. hahas, can't be bothered.
wakakas.
ended up not doing any maths stuffs.
& alice is having mood swings. LOL.
a big one, in fact.
smiling, lauging, scolding and feeling pissed off in a minute.
wahh. *she's so scary..*
LOL. alice, see that? you know what i mean, don't ya? =D

went to school for e-maths today.
paper was do-able. =)
he got called up after the paper.
and practically everyone turned and looked at me.
i was like so pai sei, and i tried my best not to look at him.
so i decided to look down on my table instead. LOL.
that's the best way to avoid those stares.
hahas.

gtg sleep now. still going tuition tomorrow. =x
tatas.
(",)

- i'm missing him. i don't know why -

2006-11-04T08:54:00.000+08:00

I'M BORED. SO BORED. REALLY BORED.

- & i'm thinking of someone right now -

2006-11-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

seeked help from mrs ho and mdm norul today. =)
asked loads of qns. hahas.
thanks for the siew mai!
*opps*. just realised i haven pay him back. =x

lunched at white sands, as usual.
headed back to school for the sake of my notes.
helped hong ru to copy the notes.
hahas. how kind of me. lol.

hong ru and kevin came to my house to print science notes.
lols. and i was so embarrassed. argh.
all thanks to hong ru. argh.
and my leg has a blueblack now all thanks to him. ouch~
screamed, jumped and laughed a lot.
hahas. lazy to type why. =D

hong ru left to god-knows-where,
and kevin stayed. hah.
he changed my pin number!! argh!!
was exchanging 'tiao jian' with him.
nearly did sth, but didn't. =D
till now, i have no idea what's the password. =x
i'm so dead lah. can't lock my phone.
if you see this, faster tell me okay.
hah. i've done the other alternative of what you've told me to do.
so you need to mean what you say. lol.
- flooding in process -

my parents and baby bro came back.
my baby bro is so cute la. =D
played with kevin, and got so excited.
& my baby bro actually recognised him,
and called his name.
i was praying so hard that he doesn't tell my mom that he knows him,
or rather, his name. lol.

watched 'ghost whisperer'.
hahas. so nice. =)
was talking to ming hao intially,
then added aloysius in,
and then alice. LOLS.
had a conference in there. haha.
was laughing my way thru'. lmao.

i'd better turn in now.
still going for tuition at 9 tomorrow.
*yawn*
tatas! =))

2006-11-03T09:26:00.000+08:00

going to school later on.
joanna overslept!! hahas.
i'm so tired now.. *yawn*
meeting kevin later to get my notes,
and meeting miss norul too.
hopefully mrs ho is there too. =)
deborah can't make it. =(
i MISS her. lol.

dreamt of a lot of ppl last night.
hahas. the dream was kinda retarded, once again. =D

i woke up and thought of him.
i felt as though i can't breathe properly.
loving him is just so tiring.
i''m exhausted. i need a break.
it has been nearly a year,
waiting day and night.
i need a long sleep... a really long one.

- exhaustion -

2006-11-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

woke up at 9 today.
alarm rang, but continued sleeping,
after replying ming hao's message.
lols. after his exam, we continued sms-ing till 2 i think.
talking loads of 'crap'. wahahas.
from treating teacher to dreaming to err.. fishing? lol.
got to know some stuffs from him too.
wahahas. (alice, don't bother asking. you'll never find out.) =P
msged deborah too.
oh gosh~
my bill is so gonna explode soon.
sms reaching 500 soon when there's still another half of the month.
argh!!

bought lunch from whitesands.
came back, and did physics.
finished the whole book of physics mcq qns.
hahas. =D
asking wen hao and qx so many qns online,
and 'teaching' kevin chem.

my brother came back, and we started to quarrel.
he's so irritating.
I CAN'T STAND HIM!!
~~bloody hell~~. he thinks he's the owner to the computer.
and he can't survive without it.
argh. he's driving me nuts.

msged minghao to tell him sth.
hahas. & watched 'goong'.
just love that show so much. =)
was looking at the sms-es when kevin called.
talked awhile, bathed and used the comp.

chatting online now, with DEBORAH.
hahas. going to school with her and joanna tomorrow. =D
deborah wants to be first (cause friends comes first)
lols. okok. i know that. X))

- taken into suprise -

2006-11-02T00:14:00.000+08:00

HAHAS.
he came to my house today. lols.
around 11 plus 12 i think.
THANKS for buying lunch to my hse. =D
studied together for about an hour or so.
hahas.
he used my comp and started chatting with people.
argh. talking nonsense to them.
i'm like.. hello, it's my account okay. lols.
and he got me into 'trouble' with shu ki lah.
ass. make him come up my house. hahas.
and i think he xiang wai wai.
'thanks' lah huh.
looked at his phone,
and there's nth in it, except photos.
put password in my phone so he can't see the photos.
lol. took like err.. 4 hour plus to hack it.
hahas. =P
alice came over to my house.
we started talking a lot of crap. ya, and i mean crap.
sherman called, and i was like.. er.. call me for?
picked up, and he asked me if i'm looking for him.
i said no. and he asked what about online.
and i knew who did that. argh.
went to 'strangle' him. hah.

ended up massaging him for 1 hour!!
my hand hurts ok. had no strength after 10 mins.
lols. but no choice lah. was forced to continue.
and he's so demanding. =D
say what.. cannot stop, must use 2 hands, harder, etc.
and he owes me S$100 cause of that 1 hour.
he helped me massage for like 5 mins or so.
5 mins for that 1 hour. pathetic.
and he complained that he's tired.
then i what? hahas.
but have to go tuition. =x so ya.

had an early dinner with the both of them. =)
and started talking about gangs and stuffs.
hahas. bought drinks and met hong ru at mrt station.
he so dao. didn't even say hii. =x
took the same train, but sat at different ends.
so ya. he took my chemistry and physics notes home.
wonder how i'm gonna study.
hopefully he return me like.. today. (since it's 12.45am now)
=D

- loves -

2006-10-31T08:16:00.000+08:00

back to blogging. hah.

sunday
i dreamt of him as usual.
a weird dream i had - he patched with her. =.=
stayed at home the whole day.
wanted to go out with him to find teacher,
but it's at hougang.
so ya, forget it. (".)
tomorrow is chinese, yet i can't concentrate.
i really can't. i'm reading the notes, but nothing get into my brain.
& my mind is somewhere else.
it was till the night at 10 plus when i can actually concentrate.
so ya. read the notes till.. 1 plus.
sms-ed him, and he replied at 2 plus.
so late still haven sleep. =x

monday

mother tongue is today.
woke up at 4 a.m.
was having a nice dream when alice msg-ed and woke me up.
argh.
paper one was rather tough.
paper two still managable. =D
but i had quite a number of wrong.
ate at food court with mabel and valerie.
we are so crazy. hah.
he was sitting near us.
saw miss lee buying drinks, and she sat beside his table.
asked her to check my answers for my chinese.
hr and him gathered.
i got like.. 5 qns wrong so far i think. =x

went home, lied on the bed.
fell asleep, and when i woke up,
i realised my eyes were starting to be swollen.
took my medicine immediately.
argh. wth am i allergic to?!?
so irritating!
qx called and told mi she saw him at tamp.
lols. lame.
everyone is like sms-ing or calling me when they saw him,
or when i reached school. =.=
so.. i msg-ed him to thank him for the jacket. =))
THANKS, once again.! X))
and SORRY for making you freeze. =(
after we stopped msging, i fell asleep.
was too tired to do anything.
slept till 6 plus.
it has been so long since i had an afternoon nap.
lols. watched 'goong'.
so nice. hah.
i'm so in love with that show. XD

went to bed at 11 plus.
& i never fail to look at his msges before i sleep,
even if i'm dead tired. (it happened recently)
so alice, don't say i read since dunno when.. hah.
joanna msged me, and i forward it to him. =)
after his reply, i thought of him till i fell asleep...

(i'm obsessed with everything related to you)

2006-10-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

had a 'terrible' dream last night.
lols. a dream that i shldn't think about.
alice was laughing her way through. hah.
shan't talk about it here. =D

tuitioned for 3 hours today.
on the way to tuition and on the way back,
i was searching and thinking of him,
hoping to see him somewhere. =X

i'm all alone at home now.
and i'm missing him so much.
urgh. i wonder what he's doing now,
where he is and stuffs like that.
i'm so stupid to think of these,
and it's like.. who am i to care about all these? =(
oh well, maybe he is with her now.
at least he's happy the way he is now. =))
feel like asking him out to study,
but i guess he ain't free.
he ain't online now.
so ya, i better get this idea off my head.

gonna do my chinese now.
& hopefully, it will stop me from thinking of him.
tatas.

- dreams are meant for sleeping -

2006-10-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

dreamt of him on monday night.
and he was with her.
loads of images came up to my head,
but i could only remember one.

sms-ed and talked to him over the phone.
ended up playing games in msn with him.
wasn't in a good mood after i heard a word. =X

went white sands with shu ki to eat macdonalds.
and started talking loads of the future.
LOL. bought my mom's birthday cake at swensen. =))
thanks for the delivery. hahas.

went home and received an sms from him.
i saw that word, and i was kinda pissed off.
stopped replying him until i was at elias.
saw di hao there. hahas.

went to eat lunch with qiu xuan and my sis on wed.
i was hoping so much i'll see him.
hahas. and qx couldn't really stand me. o.O
she went off, and my sis and i walked home.
when i was at the carpark walking towards my block,
i saw HIM!
omg. my heart beat so fast and my sis could recognise hr.
haha. lucky they didn't see me.

sms-ed him again. hah.
too bad i was busy. =X
if not i could have gone to study chinese with him and hr.
='(
spent the day studying. grr~
i'm so sick of studying la. argh.

he called me when i was having dinner with my family.
i was so nervous. lol.
put down the phone and continued eating.
and my bro is such an idiot.
complaining about me using my handphone so much.
bloody hell.
it's been a week since we quarrelled.
i'm so not gonna talk to him.
sms-ed him again. hah.
talking about the famous amos i bought.
lols. and we talked until her.
hah. ask her buy for you la. =))
btw, do you have stomachache? =.=
if have not my fault hor.! =P

chatted with alice, and her mom, over the phone.
even her mom also tell mi to forget about him. =x
maybe she's right.
what she said is kinda true about him.
don't worry, i'll try my best.
but i can't promise it'll work.
i kept thinking of him all of e sudden when i'm studying.
oh gosh~
how the hell am i suppose to do well for my O's?
hais. having a BIG feeling that i'll do so much worse for O's.
=(

[ i can't get you outta my head, but i'll try my very best to. ]

2006-10-23T11:21:00.000+08:00

woke up early just to go to school. =X
*yawn*
waited for zhang yan to go to the canteen.
so long!
met richard and jeremy at the locker,
and richard asked for my no.
hah. to think we seldom talk when we were in sec 1.
lincoln and ying yu sat at the table beside me,
and started talking crap. lols.
can't be bothered too. =D
*he* came, and we chatted.
did maths and stuffs. hah.
he took my phone! argh!
he read and saw things he shldn't see.
his messages, photos, etc.
omg. so pai sei.
well, i was glad that i changed my wallpaper when i saw him walking into the canteen.
phew~
shld have put secuirity code at that point in time.
grr~
& i got to know some things.
shan't say it here.

oh great, and my cousin is coming later.
how am i suppose to study?!? =X
talked to mr rafi just now.
he kept telling me to concentrate.
not as if i don't want to.
i can't!! argh.
i'm having a big feeling
i ain't gonna do well for my O's because of him.
sigh.

P.S. wh, happy finding out what's that guy's name! =P

2006-10-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

practical was alright, for me.
except for one bloody stupid idiotic careless mistake i made.
argh. but what's done cannot be undone.

ate at BK at downtown,
and it reminds me of *him*.
i could still remember where we were sitting,
and whatever we talked about.
sigh.

practical wasn't good for him, from what he said.
and my mood wasn't good after that.
i even cried when i was sitting on my bed.
it's because i don't want him to feel so upset.
yet, there's nothing i could do for him.
if you see this, don't scold yourself anymore ok?
promise me that, will ya?
like i said, tian shen wo cai bi you yong.
i'm sure you can do it. =)
just work hard for the rest of the papers ya?
i'll be there for you whenever you need me to.
good luck for your O's! <3

my dad bought me a new phone today.
hehes. and i shall be using it tomorrow.
but, i can't keep his sms-es in my new phone.
argh. i hate that loads.
i can't store his messages in my SIM card.
sobs. i really want those sms-es to stay with me.
i have nth else left, but your photos and sms-es.
sigh. ='(

and i just received an sms from him.
i don't know how i'm suppose to react.
to be happy that he msged me?
to be sad because he ain't feeling good? or?
omg. i think i'm feeling heartache.
i don't want him to be so upset about it.
i have no idea if i should reply him or not.
will i make things worse if i replied?
or maybe, i shouldn't be the one consolling him.
perhaps she should be the one doing so.
i just need someone to cheer him up.
argh. and i hope she really will cheer him up.
him being happy is all i want. =)

i'm so sorry to those i promised to forget him.
i find it so difficult.
i can't help it. it's just... urgh.
i can't put it into words.
but i'll try, though i've failed upteen times.
well, i know it in my heart what the outcome will be.
but anyway, thanks for listening to my sorrows,
and looking at me, crying or what-so-ever.

i guess i should stop here.
and oh ya, to my friends out there,
good luck for your O's.!
loves. <33

~ loving you was never a mistake. ~

2006-10-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

2006-10-17T11:48:00.000+08:00

talking on the phone with alice and spencer till one-thirty sth.
well, i thought a lot.
i know it isn't worth sacrificing my future for him.
what you guys said are quite true.
he'll break my heart eventually. =X
and that's what i feared most in relationships.
but i've tried so many ways just to get him off my mind.
studying, drinking, going out, using the comp,
it just don't seem to work.
well, i'll try my best, ok?
but now, i have a serious problem.
i kept dreaming of him, even last night.
how am i suppose to forget him,
when i kept dreaming of him?
i can't control my dream.
even his slightest movement will make me think of him.
oh gosh. somebody, help me.

i'm having a red and swollen eye right now.
it's been 3 days, and it's not healing. =X
instead, it's worst. hais.
how how how?
i'm having my practical soon.
i don't want it to affect my exams.
seeing the doctor doesn't work for me.
i'm freakin' allergy to so many medicine!
grrr~

I WANT MY EYES HEALED!!

- i feel so helpless, without him -

2006-10-15T10:57:00.000+08:00

i've been missing him so badly.
i just couldn't get him off my mind.
and that makes it hard for me to study.
i tried so hard to occupy myself by studying,
but i don't know why,
i think of him all the time.
crying in the beginning because i miss him,
knowing that those happy memories will never repeat.
smiling in the end,
because i once had those sweet memories with him.
hais. i really don't know why i'm going thru' all these. =(

talked to him last night over the phone.
i was so shocked when he called me.
so ya. we talked from 11 plus till 1 plus in the morning.
*yawn*
hey, you better don't tell anyone what i've told you. =D
pls eat the cookies too before they spoil.
hehes.
no idea if i've replied him, or did he replied my sms.
feel like sms-ing him now, but i don't dare. =X

i'm suppose to study now.
but he kept appearing in my mind.
how am i suppose to concentrate?!?

- .ilu.imu. -

2006-10-13T11:18:00.000+08:00

graduation day was today.
i don't want to graduate.
i want those wonderful days,
with my class, my friends, and teachers.
i'm so gonna miss you guys.

gave him his birthday present,
though it's four days from now,
& my heart was beating so fast.
words couldn't come out from my mouth.
i'm glad to see his smile on his face.
and i guess, i guess, that will be the thing i'm gonna miss most.
his smile, his laughter, his voice, his everything.
took photo with him, clarence, hongru, etc.
i wanted a hug from him so much, but i know i'll never have that chance.
his heart isn't with me, anymore. ='(

here i am, crying in front of my computer.
tears rolling down my cheeks.
i miss you so much. really.
i want to be with you so badly, madly.
can you be mine, just for a day?
i know, this is just a wishful thinking of mine.
i'm confused, because of you.
you broke my heart twice,
and that really hurts more than anything else.
do you still love me? just a lil' tiny bit will do.
pls tell me so, or just give me your truthful answer,
if you happen to see this.
i really need someone to cry on now.
and i wish that someone is you.
just know that i love you. <3
i hope you like my present. =)
wo ai ni.

- do i still have a place in your heart? -

2006-10-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

looking at them walking towards me, i felt the pain, so deep. and i guess, it's the first time i felt so jealous. real jealous. i was glad i met him. but, i saw her, smiling so happily. my heart sank right at that very moment. Not knowing how to react, i walked away, as fast as possible, with qiu xuan. When i was near him, or maybe beside him, i think he was expecting me to smile or at least, greet him with a 'hi'. But, i chose to ignore. I wanted to smile at him so badly, but i can't bring myself to. So, he walked his way, and i walked mine. Little did i expect myself to feel so jealous. Just at the moment i walked past him, tears filled my eyes. it was so sudden, and i couldn't believe i was actually doing that.

oh well, i tried to hold back my tears, not wanting to make qiu xuan feel worst. so ya. i guess i'll just have to get used to it, or rather, immune to it. sigh.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

~ ilu ~

2006-10-02T20:46:00.000+08:00

i'm happy, i'm happy, i'm HAPPY.
hahas.
today, is the day i love most this month. =))
studied with him and alice. hehes.
was doing maths, and he started bragging about his maths.
he claimed he learnt 'F' maths before.
and he si yao mian zi.
LOL. so just let him be. =P

hmm.. snatched over his phone.
hahas. and he started chasing me all over.
lols.
he's a pervent okay.
i ran into the girls' toilet, cause i thought he won't go in.
BUT, he went in, all the way.
i was shocked ok.
there's no one else in the toilet except me and him.
so i faster ran out, and he gave chase.
took him sometime to take back his phone,
and he cheated! =P

i'm so gonna remember this day. X))

~ the love just gets deeper and deeper ~

2006-09-29T16:40:00.000+08:00

results are out. i'm disappointed with my english, and humanities (though i've improved my english). but i'll make sure i'll improve myself in these subjects. =) others were fine, but i know i managed to get some of them by luck? hmm.. here are the results.

ENGLISH: B4
CHINESE: A1
E-MATHS: A1
COMBINED SCIENCE: A1
GEOGRAPHY: A1
A-MATHS: A1
HUMANITIES: C5
L1R4: 8
L1R5: 9

it's so ugly. having a B and C. argh. i'm so gonna mug everyday. =) but oh well, i really wish i'll have this results for my O's. that'll be enough. X)

- my hard work paid off -

2006-09-29T16:14:00.000+08:00

my dream changed from a pleasant one,
to a nightmare.
i don't want it to happen. never.
crying in my dream is bad enough.
i wanted to tell you so badly,
but you're always by her side.

i can't believe i did something so stupid today.
fancy buying a sweet from the minimart because of someone.
why am i doing such stupid thing?
oh gosh.

Love is the emblem of eternity;
it confounds all notions of time;
effaces all memory of beginning,
all fear of an end.

- love is just so complicated -

2006-09-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

my 'best friend' told me how he felt,
how depressed, how vexed,
but all i could do is to console him.
i felt so useless, so extra,
but.... hais.
sadness was in me,
and tears on the verge of coming out.
but i hold on, and on,
feeling troubled by it.
but what can i do?
at that point in time,
i wished i was in his shoes,
so that he'll never had those unhappiness in his life.
i don't know how he exactly felt,
because i've never experienced it before.
and hey,
you happen to browse through my blog,
don't be depressed ya?
confide in me, and i'll be there for you. =)

it looks as though it's not only him,
but my friends around me too.

his problems 'spreaded' to me,
and now, i'm having family problems too. =(
i don't know what exactly happened,
but i know it wasn't pleasant, at all.
it was financial problem.
thousands of dollars were borrowed,
having no idea what it's for.
should i ask? or should i not?
well, i can't pick up the courage to.
my boy friend told me to ask.
i guess i really need to,
its the courage i lack.
but i'll try.

- can i break free from these problems? -

2006-09-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, qiu xuan! *cheers*
today it's your real birthday.
hahas. nc16 movies are coming your way. X))

*clear throat*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO QIU XUAN,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
*claps*

hehes. a special birthday song just for you.
(be honoured okay.. hahas)
sorry i can't study with you tomorrow.
it's my dad's birthday.
anyway, hope you enjoy your birthday,
with the silent birthday song and this post just for you. =)
love you loads. smile always. X))

2006-09-24T14:33:00.000+08:00

celebrated qiu xuan's birthday on friday.
had sakae with loads of ppl.
it's been ages since i saw them,
and ya, they've changed,
especially jeremiah.
hahas.

played pool with aaron and spencer at tampines.
i lost. =X
went to meet my mom at loyang point,
and she saw spencer sending me there.
ah well, i knew that will happen.
at least i bother to tell her the truth. =D

celebrated my biao yi's birthday yesterday. XD
she's 21!!
had a talk with her before her friends came,
and she's like an officer questioning a criminal.
lols.
kept asking me if i have a boyfriend,
and that she insisted that i have one. =X
i was so bored over there.
finally my cousins came and joke around with them.
and my cousin slapped me!
grr~ (that was for fun though)
it hurts okay.

oh ya, just to add on something.
there's only 7 passes for a-maths paper 1. =X
highest was frederick, who got 60/80.
omg. hahas. he was shocked when i told him that. =D
i only got 55 lahs. damn.
need 65/80 for paper 2 to get an A1!!
although it's impossible, i just ~~hope~~ pray hard that a miracle falls upon me.
hahas.
4/5 has 12 failures, and 4/7 has 7 passes.
what a great difference. LOLS.
but at least one more person passed compared to mid-year. =D
and mr rafi is so gonna kill me if i get B3 for a-maths.
that was what he told me over the phone.
argh. i need to get A1!

i'm so bored!
done my science 5 year series today.
but still, it's not completed. =X

- miracles -

2006-09-22T09:50:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a-maths paper.
hahas.
i finished my paper!
it's a miracle because it's the first time i finished both a maths paper.
HAHAS.

took back my physics results.
damn.
so many freakin' careless mistakes.
12 marks i think!
grrr~
stupidity.
i just hope i do real WELL for my chemistry.
e-maths results was.. dumb.
6 marks of careless mistake.
if not i'll get 76/80.!
hais.
i don't want anymore CARELESS-ness in my other papers!

played pool yesterday with aaron, spencer, ivan peh and kenrick.
hehes.
i won aaron a few times,
spencer twice i guess,
ivan peh once/twice,
but i didn't get to play with kenrick.
just love playing pool.
hehes.
ate sakae last night because it was my sis's birthday.
had a swollen eye after that cause i allergy to something. =X
i guess i can't eat sakae today with qiu xuan and co.
but i'll be going there. =)
i want my assessment books asap.
i MUST do well for my O's.

- it's just plain stupidity that makes me go mad -

2006-09-22T09:16:00.000+08:00

THANKS to qiu xuan i needa to this thingy.

10things/people i want here RIGHT NOW
1. FRIENDS
2. qiu xuan to come to my house so we can buy assessments!
3. get all my results back.
4. maths, maths and more maths.
5. QIU XUAN's birthday at SAKAE SUSHI.
6. memories to came true once again.
7. my birthday!
8. SAKURA. (w.h., you pick the date instead kks? =D)
9. get ideal results for prelims and O's.
10. play pool!

10 things/people i want in MY FUTURE
1. rich?!?
2. great friends.
3. a romantic wedding, just like in fairytales. XDD
4. help the poor. =)
5. get into MJC and university.
6. having wedding photos taken in the swimming pool. whee..
7. going to every part of the world!
8. smiles on people's faces. they make me smile too.!
9. shopping!
10. HAPPY MARRIAGE =D.

1o things/ people I MISS
1. the wonderful memories.
2. his laughters.
3. qiu xuan's stories about *ahem* =DD
4. valerie's slang. LOLS.
5. my BIRTHDAY.
6. doing CIPs (especially the one on giving out of flyers)
7. mdm ong
8. my ballet classes
9. ice-skating
10. dancing. =D

10 things/people i love
1. my family of course. XD
2. MATHEMATICS
3. friends.
4. my pillow and bolster.
5. memories
6. dancing
7. shopping
8. music
9. teachers who've taught me!
10. jokes of 4/7 (are you clear?) =D

1o things i bring EVERYWHERE I GO.
1. HANDPHONE
2. money
3. wallet
4. housekeys
5. ez-link card
6. IC
7. safra country club membership card.
8. 2 phonecards.
9. rubberbands (if i'm not tying my hair)
10. comb

10 people i want to see doing this lame quiz
1. jonathan toh
2. spencer
3. april
4. janine
5. cherie
6. clarence
7. ivan peh
8. yee sin
9. yee jun
10. dionne
(look. i didn't mention names qx's mentioned. =D)

2006-09-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

'cold war' is over.
everything went back just the way it started.
not troubled by it anymore.
to forgive and forget. X))

exams are 'killing' me.
lack of sleep.!
well, i broke a record.
studied since 2p.m. on monday without afternoon nap,
all the way till 12.15 am,
and woke up at 4 am to study again.
had exams in hall, shivering all the way.
i really wonder if it's good to have air-con in the hall sometimes. =X
went home, and studied history from 2 pm to 12.30 am,
without afternoon nap again, and woke at at 3.15 am to study.
omg.
but i'm so awake throughout the whole day. =D
something's wrong with me.

papers are quite manageable.
(easier than i expected)
hmm. i'm worried for my english.
and my emaths!
mr rafi said i know how to do everything,
but it's all careless! grrr~
cried today after physics.
i 'screwed' up.
went to look for mr rafi to talk to him.
mrs ho walked past, and i asked her about physics with tears in my eyes.
she was shocked. =X
showed me the answer sheet. =D
i got correct for the qns i didn't know how to do,
and mainly the reason why i'm crying.
felt so dumb. LOL.
i'm so lucky. =D

my next worry: geog and amaths.
i'm so dead. =X

- all the best to you guys. =) -

2006-09-08T19:54:00.000+08:00

troubles coping with studies.
hopefully, everything will be completed asap.
feeling the tense-ness everywhere.
3 days to prelims, 65 days to O's.
i need more assessment books.

i'm gonna blog about some 'pesticides' today.

schools insulting schools.
can you just wake up?
you've got NO LIFE is it?
fancy insulting my school, and 'claimed' that you're right.
no EQ? well, let me see.
who's the one who started the 'conflict'? you.
who is the one pointing fingers? you.
you said my friend has no EQ.
and so, what makes you think you have?
and oh please, stop your crap.

now, the second pesticide of the day.
'narcissistic' seems to be the only thing in your dictionary huh?
well, don't be too vacuous ya?
being narcissistic won't bring you far.
& where's your conscience?
you're just so crafty, so manipulative.
you know me.
i hate hypocrites.
i know who exactly are the hypocrites,
but it's just that i prefer to keep things to myself.
no point hating them, since it has already happened,
and nothing could be done to salvage it.
but you are the one so far whom really makes me mad.
i'm even suspecting that you've been trying to make use of me all these while.
studying together, asking for help & how much i've covered,
well, i guess these are all BULLSHITS!
you're just trying to dig out what i've done,
and makes sure you complete them even before i do.
you're out to challenge me, and beat me in everything.
let me get it clear to you.
i don't mind you beating me,
but please, don't use underhand means.
have a fair competition if you want.

- i'm really a fool to trust you so much -

2006-09-07T20:11:00.000+08:00

took this from qiu xuan's blog. =D

Your Learning Style: Idealistic and Flexible

You enjoy learning anything that can help others...
from making the world more beautiful to saving lives.
You Should Study:
ArchitectureEnvironmental ScienceFashion DesignForestryInterior designInternational StudiesLiterature MusicNursingRestaurant managementStudio ArtVeterinary Medicine

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatshouldyoustudyquiz/">What Should You Study?

-the world is filled with surprises-

2006-09-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

dreamt of him last night.
lols.
that's such a weird dream. =D
but is the dream trying to hint me something?
or, is it what i really think?

remedials for the whole of this week.
maths and chem.
it's 6 days more to prelims!
omg.
cried a lil' just now because of stress.
argh.

i still left so many chapters to study. =X
geog, history and ss.
when is it ever going to finish?!? =(
STRESSed-UP!

- love is smiling on the inside and out -

2006-09-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

woke up at 8,
bathed, waited for alice,
and went for tuition.
hahas.
gavin is so gay.
making funny noises during tuition,
and he's scared of dogs.
LOLS.
& he walked all the way downstairs because of that.
and i think there's something wrong with eric too.
he has changed, overnight.
hahas.

did homework today.
there's so many of 'em.
managed to finish all.
~ phew.

was doing my chem,
when all of e sudden, someone knocked on my door.
looked thru' the hole to see who's that.
i saw that guy outside, and didn't want to open the door.
but he waved, knowing that i'm there.
no choice, but to open.
he stared at me while i was waiting for him to speak.
he began stammering for a while.
it was for donation. =X
didn't have the money, and i just stood there waiting for him to finish.
then, i closed the door.
walked back to my seat, and the door rang again.
grrr~
drag myself there, and i was shocked to see that person again.
so, i opened the door.
he said: can i have your number? just to make friends with you. nth to do with donations.
we laughed, and i gave him my number.
took his phone and key my name in.
hahas. he said he'll sms me.

after 2 mins, i received his sms.
and we're still smsing now.
he's a bartender, bla bla bla. (ask me if you wann)
drinks a lil' BUT he smokes!
grrr~
totally forgot how he looked like already.
hahas.
can't be bothered anyway. =D

- time flies -

2006-09-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.

This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...
you'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.

Although beautiful times were gone,
The warmth in my heart will never fade.
Until the day i found someone else,
you, are the special one.

2006-09-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

i'm in a totally good mood today.
hahas. =DD
finally, i chatted with *mystery* online.
(better not say the name, or rumours will start spreading)
the words he say somehow made me delighted.
i don't know why.
shall meet up with him after prelims.! =))

went to simei for dinner.
there was this group of small kids 'parading' on stage,
as though they were models.
so COOL!
hahas.
if only...

hmm..
was hoping to see *mystery* there.
lols.
but i didn't. =X
bought books at popular again. =D

i haven't finish my homework!
argh.
still having tuition tml.
*yawn*

gtg. updating soon. (=

2006-08-31T20:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY to all teachers!!! X)
thanks for all your effort and hard work.

today was indeed a SUPRISE!
hahas.
i was shocked when mabel told me that kevin is gonna bring the food over.
and i'm the one whom they 'sent' to collect it.
omg.
talked over the phone with him.
aww.. missed those times so much,
where we talked on the phone for hours.
sigh
waited till he appeared.
he's drenched. =X

had pizzas, cakes, etc in the canteen.
*he* was there too, and i talked to *him*.
*he* is so cute!
hahas. =D
hasanul was whacked by me.
if you wanna know, come and ask me.
LOLS.

mabel and i brought the food up to give mr rafi and *him*.
hehes.
although it was awkward, but i don't mind. =))

today was the happiest day of all. XD
kept telling deborah, joanna and wei li.
lols.
concert was quite okay.
*he* sat at the back,
and i kept asking sakina to talk to me so i can see him.
hahas.
and i simply went mad.
laughed, screamed, smile, and cried.
seok han, sakina, shi hui and deb were shocked when i cried. =X
i cried when the performers sang their songs.
hais.
it reminds me of *him*.
the lyrics, is what i want to say to *him*.
oh, i MISS you so.

went to my primary school with jonathan toh today.
didn't go there last year. =X
hmm.. wonder how all my friends look like. =D
saw so many teachers,
but i forgot some of their names.
- opps -
my friends changed so much.!
omg.
we were talking to mdm lee,
and i don't even know it's them,
until i asked someone later on.
lols.
even my favourite teacher couldn't recognise me.
she said i've changed a lot.
hehes.

was taking photo when there is this guy who walked past,
and came in to take photo with us.
i didn't look at him at all.
he was standing in front of me.
hahas.
then, when we were done,
he stood so close to me,
and we faced each other.
i looked at him into his eyes, and he looked at me too.
he said hiie, and i was like.. who are you?
he took off his specs,
and that was when i recognised him.
OMG.
i opened my mouth and eyes wide,
still cannot believe it was wen hao.
started talking to him,
and jonathan felt so left out,
so he talked to his friends.
lol.
and jonathan so irritating!
looked at me with that stupid 'yan sen',
trying to pair me up with wen hao.
dots...
then, one of my friends, noorliyana, came.
and again,
she put one of her hands on my shoulder,
and the other on wen hao,
and said in a teasing manner: you two must catch up with one another ya? i see you all got so many things to talk about.
i was like so pai sei. =X

it's been 3 years plus since i last met him.
and all i can say is that he've changed a lot!
taller, matured, sensible, and not so playful.
LOLS.
to think we always play catching, beat one another when we were young.
kept talking about the past,
and he apologised for what he has done to me last time.
he ALWAYS bully me.
grrr~

miss those days.
and guess what?
he's the guy i've liked the longest so far;
and that's why everyone kept putting us together just now.
lols.
i've liked him for years,
and looking at him just now was so awkward.
still remember the times when everyone in the level was talking about me and him.
argh.

chatted for very long.
there was loads of things to talk about.
hahas.
kept making fun of him. =D

he sent me home,
and i was shocked.
he's so childish last time and always rush home after bullying me.
hahas.
it was drizzling, and my shoes became so wet. =X
under my block,
he said he'll pei me go eat at white sands since i haven eat.
so pai sei!
when we reach there, he didn't want to eat cause he bo lui.
so i told him i treat him. =D
but he didn't want.
forced him to eat.
hahas.

he's so irritating at times.
gave me his chicken and put on my plate without my consent!
told me to finish it when i was full.
ate two, and left one behind.
and he kept forcing me to eat.
put it back on his plate.
lucky the cleaner came, if not we'll be quarrelling over it.
lols.
sat there and talk for another few hours,
and he sent me home.
he said he'll treat me next time,
and told me to pick a place.
hahas.
so i said: really arh? so good? later i pick the place you 'xia dao'.
and he replied: nvm lah. just say. even if eat paris also can.
told him that i like to eat sakura.
and he's gonna treat me next time!
wahh.. *bu hao yi si*

really miss those days. =))

~ memories are always so wonderful. <333

2006-08-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

amazing.
guess what?
i did maths since i reached home at 2.50p.m.,
until 10p.m.!
hahas.
i'm so in LOVE with maths. X))

his gang didn't came to school today. =X
miss *him* loads.
hehes.
wonder if he'll go school tml.. o_0

lessons were rather fine,
and i did a mess out of josh's phone.!
LOLS.
paste the stickers all over. =D
& he's not supposed to take them out.
wei li is so funny.
was taking about the frog on his phone,
and weshe started creating a joke out of it.
she said the frog could talk, and started uttering gibberish.
HAHAS.
can't do anything but laugh. XD
she pasted one sticker over the nose of the frog!
~~so ugly~~
and we said it couldn't breathe. =O
lols.
and we just talk and talk like nobody's business!
hahas.

went for night study.
grrr~
mr rafi is so irritating!
solve 4 qns of mine for 1 hour plus!!
i might as well stay at home and do the rest.! =X
was hoping to see *him* there,
but *he* didn't turn up. =((

misses

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice,
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile,
And your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life every day.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart.
sarang heiyo

~ love that is true never grows old ~
~ love reminds you that nothing else matters ~

2006-08-26T18:46:00.000+08:00

busy with homework.
there's hardly time to spare.
18 days to prelims,
and 78 days to O's.
oh,
how i wish the clock will stop ticking,
till the day everyone is prepared for it.

pre-occupied with homework, homework and more homework.
it's so irritating! =x
i wonder when will the time come,
where there's no stress, no homework, no troubles.
oh well,
come to think of it,
if there isn't all these,
life will be so so SO BORING!

missing him every now and then.
hoping to get back to his side.
but i know, that will only happen in my dreams.
well, at least it's better than nothing. =)

strolling in the park with you,
just you alone makes my heart skip a beat.
that night, so beautiful, so special,
with stars shining brightly, just for us.

the path we walked, the smiles we had,
all so wonderful that i want more.

with your hands on my back,
and the words you say,
oh, i wish you're really mine.

the necklace you wore for me,
& the warmth i felt right at that special moment,
makes me want to have you.
you move closer and closer,
as though i've got a hug from you,
which i never want you to let go.

regrets for not telling you how much i love you,
regrets for not being by your side when you asked me to.
how foolish i was?!? sigh

- the greatest pain in life, is to love someone who used to love you. -

2006-08-25T15:06:00.000+08:00

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

- boii, please return. -

2006-08-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

went to TM yesterday with mabel, deb, josh, siu hei, jordon and si quan.
spent so long there!
grrr~
and the guys walked so slow!
slower than girls.! =X
kept making fun of them,
and started talking about girl and boy stuffs.
LOLS.
we're OPEN-MINDED okay!
think we're more open-minded than the 4 of you! =P
hahas.
the guys got shocked and claimed that they dunch know us.
=D
bought cake for hasanul.
and bought a handphone chain for someone,
since i didn't buy him any birthday prezzie.
you better hang it, or i'll kill you. =D

went to the final sprint.
it's a waste of time for all i can say.
grrr~
onli did two pathetic qns. =X
well, at least i got to talk to *him* X))

hmm..
as for today,
tears filled my eyes.
kept complaining to mr sim about my history and ss.
he didn't want to give me marks!
another mr tan, again.
=X

celebrated hasanul's birthday. =D
but, his birthday is on sunday.
anyway, happy belated birthday.
hehes.

~ love is just a word, but it's so hard to express.

2006-08-21T18:57:00.000+08:00

STRESS-ed.
21 days to prelims, 82 days to O's.
argh.

drank loads of beer yesterday at the dinner.
first time in my life, i'm drinking so much.
& heys, i'm not drunk! =DD
tried this jap wine - sake.
omg.
it's so freakin' thick, and hot. =X
drank a sip and i felt like vomiting.
so, my father gave me another jap beer.
starts with SO....
can't remember what it was.
well, it tasted like tiger beer. =))
i drank loads of that, more than 5 glasses!
then, my uncle pass us the red wine.
drank a sip. it's thick.
well, i prefer the one i'm drinking currently.
hees.
drink and drink and drink and drink.
hmm..
think total i drank the whole big bottle of beer,
plus a lil' more. X))
coolness.

hmm..
and one thing more amazing is that,
my father told me to try smoking.
just for a mouth.
lols.
well, i held it properly in my hands,
and my cousin dared mi to smoke.
and so, the cigarette was close to my mouth when...
my aunt suddenly stared at me so fiercely!
ended up returning it to my dad.
and my aunt told me: i will slap you even if your father is around.
=X
my father continued smoking,
and tempting two of my cousins!
lols.
purposely smell the cigarette,
light it,
and blew the smoke right in front of them. =DD
i kept laughing and laughing.
hahas.
but too bad, they couldn't smoke cause their parents were around.
so, they secretly take it from my dad,
and took a few puffs.
so funny! XD

~ i want to get drunk! never had been before. =((

2006-08-20T09:54:00.000+08:00

i'm back to blog again.
oh well, i can feel the stress coming now.
it's 22 days to prelim, and 83 days to O's.
omg.
i'm having this feeling that i won't do well for my prelims.
='(

rumours spreading again.
but i can't do anything to stop them.
the mouth is theirs.
& all i have to say is that my conscience is clear.
we're just friends.

thought of *him* yesterday,
missing him loads.
i thought of our past,
and that makes me want to have you more.
i don't mind loving you for life,
but,
when are you going to turn around & love me back?
sigh

friendship with him is deteriorating,
& i don't know how to salvage it.
i don't know how to start a conversation with him,
and i didn't dare to talk to him.
perhaps it's because of that dream i had.
oh please,
can someone save me from all these problems?
=((

alice talked to me about some stuffs,
and i'll think about it ya? =)
but, i don't know who i really am.
i can't find my true self. X((
i'm too emotional,
and that's all i know about myself so far.

hadn't been studying these few days.
it's more of doing homework.
mock exams were rather easy,
and mr rafi said prelims is not as difficult as this!
=D
oh well,
i need to study real hard these few days.
no more slacking for me!

~ problems arising. ='(

2006-08-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

oh well,
i'm taking this opportunity to tell you guys that i won't be online so often!
O's is 86 days from now.
86!!
argh~
i'm not gonna watch tv for 86 days.
just imagine. =X

somehow,
i was affected by what happened today.
*he* came to school with a girl today,
and i have a big feeling that it's her.
well, val and qx just won't tell me who was the 'her'.
hais.
but oh well,
i guess it doesn't matter, anymore.
not because i don't love you,
but even if i know,
what can i do?

CRIED to hasanul today.
(sorry for saying that you bully mi! =X)
CRIED in the comp lab today,
and used deborah and joanna as an excuse because they pushed me and hasanul,
and we banged HARD into one another.
so pai sei okay..
CRIED in class for 10 mins,
cause i was so stressed up.
hais.

no matter what happens,
I'LL STILL LOVE YOU.

and just to let you know (if you happen to browse through my blog again),
if one of us were to die,
i'll make sure you're the one who survive.
if one of us were to suffer,
i'll make sure i'm the one to suffer.
if i were to make a last wish,
my wish is to let you find your happiness for eternity.
if only one of us is to find true love,
you are the one who deserves it.
if one day you're cursed,
i'll make sure that your curse fall upon me,
even if it takes my life.
JUST REMEMBER THAT
I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS. <3

~ if i can only live for another day, can you stay by my side until my time is up?

2006-08-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

english oral:
passage was rather difficult.
picture was fine.
conversation rocks. =))

i screwed up my passage.
damn.
that's my worst performance in my entire LIFE.
argh.
if only i didn't screw my passage,
i guess i'll do just fine for everything!
sigh
i hope my english will be a B3.
and it's a must for that.

life's so freakin' stress.
=x

~ wiishing that you'll be by my side again.

2006-08-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

cancelled tuition today.
josh wanted to study at my hse,
but joanna went to sentosa!!
so ended up not going anywhere.
josh, you better find the dvd.
i want to watch!

slacked at home the whole day.
not even a glimpse of the book. =X
talked on the phone with josh and di hao.
and we're talking about our results.
hais.
i'm so gonna retake the damn exam.

bathed and went for the 7th month dinner.
josh got one too.
lucky we're going to different places. =))
sms-ed each other while waiting for the food.
hmm..
and we're talking about beer. =D
i wanted to drink so much, but my mom and aunts all down there.
tried my luck.
drank stout.
it's so thick.
but still drinkable.
hahas.

ate finish my food,
and went over to my uncle to ask him order tiger beer for me.
asked him why he ordered stout instead of that,
and he said drinking stout is nicer and won't have bodyache.
lol.
laughed at him and told him that he's getting old. =DD
he ordered for me.
my cousin drank a few sips,
and i drank finish the whole cup.
if only i was 18, then i can drink it openly;
and not smuggle the cup to another end to drink.
grrr~

my smses bombarded.
so i tried to reply slowly. =X
was smsing to josh about chalet, mah jong, beer, bla bla bla.
and he said i was drunk.
hello, i'm not okay.
& i know my limits hors. =P
talked on the phone with him for a lil' while.
i'm freakin' bored.

went home at 11 plus.
*yawn*

2006-08-12T01:02:00.000+08:00

i'm still a lil' uptight.
i still at a lost.
hais.
but, i felt better than just now.

josh, thanks for playing games with me and comforting me online,
with the 'jokes', 'betting' and 'songs'.
thks for making me laugh.
if not by now, i think i'll still lock myself in my room.
i really felt better. =))

qiu xuan, thanks for your advices.
thanks for being there for me.
love ya loads. <33

val, benedict, mabel,
thanks for accompanying me,
and skipping assembly.
it's much appreciated. =DD

val, aaron, spencer, qx and meng seng,
sorry i didn't allow you to come into my house.
but anyway,
thanks loads.

spencer,
i've read your blog.
sorry for breaking that 3 cig of yours.
need mii gib you 1.50?
hahas.
i know i can't control my emotions.
but, arghh.. i don't know how to say lahs.
i won't be angry with you de lahs.
i'm partly to blame. =x
anyway, sorry and thank you. =)

clarence,
don't give up ya?
you can do it de.
try harder okies? =D
and i don't think i can go out with him.
takkaire. X))

hazel,
don't cry anymore ya?
must be happy.
just wait a lil' while more and see what happens.
i'll be there for you. =)

valerie & mabel,
strive hard and achieve what you want okies?
jia you jia you jia you.!

alice,
i'm not sure about your results.
but you didn't look good today.
anyway, c'ya on sunday.

ying liang,
i guessed you know what happened already.
though you sms-ed me and said you're not good at words,
i know you meant well. =DD
thks.

hasanul,
sorry i didn't reply all your sms-es.
don't worry kkx?
i'll be fine.

omg,
my blog has become like a thanking-ceremony. =DD
there's still more to thank.
*ooppss*
hmm..
i shall take a rest now.
it's 1.16a.m!

~ sorry for the worries.!

2006-08-11T17:25:00.000+08:00

i was so freakin' nervous.
my heart was beating so fast that i could hear it.
i prayed and prayed,
hoping that i can get an A1.
my turn was coming.
i cried, even before getting the paper.
damn.
fion gathered around the table,
and looked at the list.
she walked past me,
and i asked her what did i get.
well,
she doesn't look right,
and told me to look at it myself.
at that point of time,
i knew something was wrong.
it's my turn.
looked at my results,
and my heart sank.
i didn't even want to sign that bloody thing.

cried since then.
went to the canteen,
and the noise is killing me.
i need some time alone.
i walked around,
finding a spot where nobody will ever find me.
sat there,
and did sth to my wrist.
if onli i have a ruler or something...

then,
miss nam all of e sudden came out.
i thought she's searching for me,
or doing her duty.
i quickly ran away,
and spencer happened to see me.
shit.
walked back,
and he came after me.
qx and mabel came,
and brought me to the prefects' room.
cried again.
the air was so stuffy,
and i had difficulty breathing.
ppl are toking,
when i needed silence the most.
i wanted to run out,
but i know someone is bound to follow me.
so, i was in dilemia.
in the end,
i walked out,
and headed to the toilet.

assembly ended,
and i wanted to look for mr rafi.
i don't want to talk to him,
but i just want him to be with me.
maybe i'm used to him advising me what to do.
students walked out of the hall one by one,
and i wish that *he* will come to my side to console me.
just *him* alone.
but i know that i'm wishing for something impossible again.
where are you when i needed you the most?
i need a shoulder to lean on.

went home,
not because i want to,
but if i don't get home,
i'll not have the chance to be alone.
qiu xuan,
i know you meant well.
you told me things like..
others ain't crying, so why am i?
well,
i guess if you were in my position,
you'll cry too.
i'm sure i suffer the stress as much as you do,
or even more than you do.
moreover,
i'm a perfectionist.
can't blame me for that you see.
zhang yan talked to me during recess,
and said that she's shocked to see me getting an A2.
in other words,
she's disappointed.

thoughts flashed through my mind.
why am i so stupid?
why can others get A1 but i can't?
what is my actual score?
is it 74 or what?
if it is, why am i so dumb that i can't get just one mark more??
if i get 2 points for my chinese,
and only have 10 points to spare for my 5 other subjects.
and my english will take up 5 points for sure.
5 points for 4 subjects?
that's totally impossible!

& to val, qx, spencer, aaron and meng seng,
i'm sorry i didn't let you in.
i seriously need sometime alone.
went to the park alone.
and my stupid sis phoned my mom.
damn.
my mom called me,
and i cried again.
i'm not gonna tell her how much i got.
she told me to go home.
so, i went home,
and locked myself up in the room.
slept for a while,
and each time i open my eyes,
i quickly close them and forced myself to sleep.
i don't want to wake up.
it only reminds me of my chinese,
and all unhappy stuffs.
after forcing myself after a few times,
i realised that i couldn't sleep anymore.

spencer msg-ed me.
i wanted to call you after a while,
but the msg you sent to the wrong person makes me pissed off.
i know i'm in no position to stop you from smoking.
but seriously,
smoking will do you no good.
i tried my best to stop you,
but it doesn't seems to work.
as a friend, i hope you'll quit.
do you know that you're someone,
who can console and talk some sense into somebody?
but, if you can tell what's good for them,
and what's bad for them,
why can't you use it on yourself?
i hope you won't get angry or sth when you see this.
to listen or not to listen,
it's up to you. =)

my mom came home,
and knocked on my door.
i opened it,
and quickly went back to my bed,
covering my head with the bolster.
she talked, and i cried.
she said that i can try it again during november.
but, i was thinking,
what if i'm not able to make it and get an A2 again?
i think if that were to happen,
i jollywell kill myself.

i'm so depressed now.
mr rafi,
can you talk to me now??
and xiaokev,
i need you now.
i want to talk to you,
but i have no idea what to say.
i just want to see you.
i miss you so.

~ i'm born to be dead. and i wish i wasn't alive.

2006-08-10T23:38:00.000+08:00

joanna, spencer and josh came to my hse today.
hahas.
did chemistry homework,
and make a lil' notes for physics.
hehes.
read sth hilarious,
and joanna and i had the same reaction.
LOLS.

joanna came at 11,
spencer came at 11.30 (i guess),
and josh came at 4 i tink.
hahas.
supposed to follow josh to eat lunch at uncle william's hse,
but i can't pang sei spencer and joanna.
=X

well,
i haven talk to my father for 5 days,
unless he 'talks' to me.
hmm..

i'm msging, chatting, surfing the net, bla bla bla.
i'm so bored.
grrr~
and i'll be taking my results tomorrow!!
arrgghh!
i hope i'll get an A1.
if not i'll retake!
i don't care!

~ wishing for the best of the best.

2006-08-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

had serious flu today.
kept sneezing and sneezing. =X
today was a perfect day for studying,
but thks to my flu,
i can't study.
hais.

talked on the phone with spencer from 1 to 7 plus.
hahas.
that was long.. =D
i was too bored.
finished my physics homework.

ate maggi mee for dinner,
& asked more about the 'story' about my cousin when my mom returned.
well,
i seriously think that that pathetic guy shld go to jail AGAIN.
bloody hell.
whack my cousin and use cigarette to burn his mouth.
8 vs 1.
why don't one vs one?
backup come liao den so hum ji.
looks like you guys are afraid of ppl with high rank huh..
even if its that one person who came.
and you guys bought tissues and drink for my cousin after the fight.
wth?!?

i love that confrontation by my grandfather, aunts and uncles.
they appeared at your door,
and asked why you whacked my cousin.
and you said that you don't like my cousin to find your bro.
so what?
does that mean you have to find a gang and whack him up?
lets put it this way.
do you think that we like your bro to find my cousin?
it's the same principle ritex?
so does that mean that we can whack and use cigarette to burn his mouth?
damn you man.
oh well,
at least your mama cried when my grandfather threatened to put your son behind bars again.
i pity your mom,
she's a nice lady. (from what my bro said)
you just came out, and i hope you go back again.
i know it's bad for mii to sae that,
but you deserve it.

anyway,
you shld be glad that my aunt and grandfather didn't find their own gang to bash you up huh..
if that were to happen,
good luck to you.
also, you shld be glad that my cousin didn't seek for revenge,
because he's backup is like.. the head of the entire gang lahs.
& i don't think you'll have a peaceful life after that.
but, i'm gonna find out hu the hell are you for sure.
firstly, you whack my cousin and used cigarette to burn his mouth.
secondly, that brother of yours bashed my brother up before.
thirdly, your brother's current stead slapped another cousin of mine before.
so, there isn't a reason why i shld forgive you ritex?
i hope that you'll get your desserts soon.

well,
wait till i find out hu the hell are you.
you better pray that my friends don't know who are you.
i know where the hell you stay,
but i won't go up to your bloody house.
just BE ALERT at all times.

~ jail, is where you belong.

2006-08-08T21:34:00.000+08:00

my heart is feeling so much misery.
it hurts so much that i find it hard to survive the pain.
i'm so afraid,
that i'll bleed till i die.
or maybe,
death is a better way of ending my pain.

is there a way not to get hurt?
is there a way to mend the scars?
love,
is so amazing, so blind,
yet so hurtful.
i won't regret loving you,
i don't mind suffering for you.
but promise me that you'll be happy, for life.

i don't dare to trust myself,
i don't dare to trust anyone else.
i'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.
& i can't cry in front of you,
because i know you wouldn't care, at all.

i need someone to lean on,
no one else but you.
i'm clinging on to something impossible.
but is it worth doing so?

we once had wonderful moments together,
but it's never gonna happen again,
till a miracle fall upon us.
even if it's so,
i'll still wait for you no matter what. =)

~ rosy haze of nostalgia

2006-08-08T21:16:00.000+08:00

today,
was fun!
hehes.
it's time for celebration.
yay.

danced in the parade square.
and received the medal. =DD
second medal for cheerleading.

*he* didn't come to school today.
hais.
danced for the finale.
i was dancing,
but my heart was empty.
my heart was hurting,
but i was smiling.
i don't know why.
i didnt force myself to smile,
and all i ever know is that my heart was sinking.
it's just so... hard to describe. =X

lunched at white sands.
and went to meng seng's hse to watch movie.
joey, sadiq, spencer and i went.
i didn't want to go home.
hadn't talk to my father for 2 days,
and this is the 3rd day.
i getting sick of my house.
went home with spencer at 4.
my mom called,
but i chose to ignore it. =X

saw my mom and bro downstairs.
so i tried my luck to go up the lift without them noticing.
phew.
i managed to go upstairs.
hahas.
removed my make-up,
and talked on the phone with spencer till...???
used the comp,
ate,
watch tv,
and used comp again.
talking on the phone with spencer now.
i'm bored.
someone entertain mii pls..

~ life's so empty without you.